Quinoa Inari Sushi!

I first met Inari when I was about twenty-twoish. Sushi was one of those things that I never tried to eat since I was under the impression that it was all seafood based. But then I worked at a coffee shop with a vegan guy who was all about this take out place in Public Square called Sushi 86. (They don't seem to have a website. If they did, I'd link it.)

Anyway, I fell in love with Inari at first sight. It was this beautiful yummy, greasy, sweet tofu wrap around some sweet vinegary rice. After that I became a regular at Sushi 86.

It was mystical. In the sense that I didn't understand how you could make tofu do that. I tried to slice it thin and marinate it and sautee it, but that meant nothing. There was no way to make inari at home.

Then, one day, at Tink Holl in downtown Cleveland, I noticed cans of inari wraps. I thought it wasw strange that they were in a can. But whatever. I bought a can and found out how to use 'em.

So now I think that Inari wraps are not only limited to sticky white rice. You can fill it up with all kinds of stuff!

For instance, here's my recipe for Quinoa Inari Sushi:

1 cup quinoua
2 cups water

cook it all

2 big carrots
1/2 cucumber
1 tbls braggs
pinch o'ginger powder
1 can of inarizushi

Shred said carrots and cucumber. Mix into quinoa with braggs and ginger. Then stuff into pockets of inarisuzushi.

Makes about 15.

Vegan Mushroom Gravy

Here's my on the fly recipe for yummy mushroom gravy:

8 oz baby bella mushrooms
1 small onion
2 tbls olive oil or vegan margarine
1 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup nutritional yeast
pinch of garlic
a little hand ground pepper

Chop the onion, chop the mushrooms, throw it all in a pot with some butter over medium heat. Once everything gets all soft and saturated with fat, caramelize it with the vegetable broth. Bring to a boil. Then simmer and add the nutritional yeast.

Stir! Stir like you're cooking risotto! (If you've never cooked risotto before, then just stir like your life depended on it.)

Bring to a soft, slow simmer.

Let it stew for a minute. What do you owe that gravy?

After you're done sulking, turn the heat off. And now you have to wait for it to chill to a lukewarm temperature.

Once it does, put it in a blender and blend. It will get all smooth and chunky all at the same time. You have done your job. It's done.

Oh, and if you happen to get the hic-cups while doing this, make sure you eat a tablespoon of natural peanut butter. Chew, chew, half-swallow, chew, swallow, etc.

Does the trick every time.

My Dinner!

I had lentil soup for dinner!

I made it myself because I'm poor!

It had lentils, carrots, celery and onions in it!

It was awesome!

I should have taken a picture of it but I had to freeze it all because I'm poor!

Incidentally, the impetus for the Industrial Revolution was sugar.

I watch tv so you don't have to

Lo! I am Magellan of the internet! I have discovered how to watch network tv series for free with out the inconvenience of having to order them from Netflix!

Promotional Placement!

However, watching tv online presents different inconveniences. Much like watching live tv, there are tons of redundant commercials for things I can't afford anyway . Usually, this doesn't bother me that much. I know I can't afford anything of value. I have a commission based job--that's how I got my fucking vacuum cleaner and ice cream maker. It's a good thing I don't have money because I would totally blow it on stupid stuff anyway.

Back to TeeVee:

The other problem I have with watching teevee online is that every time the video feed stalls out, I have to turn the laptop off and rub it on my sweater.

While that usually gets it working again, some websites were created better than others. NBC, for instance, is probably the bestest. You can watch "30 Rock" and "Heroes" episodes without much interference. Although the commercials are annoying, the video feed never stalls out. And you have the option to make the screen full size. If one places their computer on an ottoman (automon?) near the bed while one watches teevee, one might never have to leave the bed for days. Not that one would ever waste their weekend doing that.

The next bestest is ABC. While they also have a nice full screen option, their commercials are more intrusive and arbitrary. However, they're just fine. You should go watch every episode of "Lost" ever and then post your theories about it.

FOX does not have a nice full screen option, but their shows play with little interference. They also have fun shows like "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles", "Family Guy", and "The Simpsons" that you can watch by yourself. If you attempt to watch "Prison Break" or "House" you might need a roommate.

CBS is the worstest. Not only is their teevee site hard to navigate, but they don't even offer a full screen option. And once you start playing old episodes of "Jericho", it stalls out. This happened once every twenty-seven seconds. I was getting into some country groove montage and then it would stop! It took forever to reboot my laptop while I cleaned it off with my shirt!

And it still wouldn't work!

So CBS can wash my britches! I'll keep watching teevee on all the other sites. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll finally buy a watch!

World's First Best Vegan Hangover Cure!!!

I have discovered the world's first best hangover cure! In the afternoon, wake up and drink two cups of Amazing Hangover Juice:

2 carrots
1/4 beet
1 bunch parsley
2 celery stalks
1/2 cucumber
small knob of ginger
1/2 small sweet potato

Juice it all up. Then drink.

Then you must go run 2 miles. Bundle up if it's cold! Cover your ears! If it is hot, wear a tank top.

When you get home, take a hot bath. Then bundle up in your robe and watch teevee for 43 minutes.

Brush your teeth and then rinse with equal parts hydrogen peroxide and water.

Put on your favorite outfit. If it's dirty, spray with organic vegan air freshener.

Now you are ready to drink again! Start off slow. Drink a light vodka cocktail or a natural light beer. If you are following the raw food diet, you may have organic vegan white wine.

Wait fifteen minutes and drink another. At this point, if you are not feeling buzzed, drink another.

You may still feel like hell and claim that you are never drinking again but don't fall for it! You are totally going to drink again! Accept it and move on, pussy! You need to get over your hangover right now!

The Master Cleanse Martini!

After a whole day and a half of fasting on the Master Cleanse, I have decided to break my fast. However, the Master Cleanse guidebook warns that you oughtn't end your fast too abruptly. So I came up with the Master Cleanse Martini!

It's pretty self explanatory, but I'll divulge the recipe anyway:

2 tbls fresh organic lemon juice
2 tbls organic grade-b maple syrup
1 oz cheap ass vodka
2 oz spring water
1/10 tsp organic cayenne pepper
ice
chili pepper (for garnish--I don't have one)

1) Pour lemon juice, maple syrup, vodka, cayenne, water and ice into a martini shaker. Shake!
2) Pour into glassware of choice
3) Garnish with chili pepper
4) Get drunk and healthy all at the same time!*

Variations:

"Master Cleanse-garita". Sub tequila for vodka. Sub lime juice for lemon juice. Garnish glasses with maple sugar or maple salt. Add a splash of triple-sec for good measure.

"Master Cleanse Sour". Sub whiskey for vodka. Add a splash of cherry syrup and garnish with a cherry.

"Long Island Iced Master Cleanse". Remove water, keep the vodka, and add: 1oz tequila, 1oz gin, 1oz triple sec, 1oz rum and a splash of angostura bitters. Garnish with lemon slice.

*Warning, may not be healthy at all. Do not attempt to follow the Master Cleanse Martini diet without first consulting with a physician.

A Review of the Master Cleanse: Day 2

I started the Master Cleanse yesterday. To all you uninitiated, that's where you drink cayenne pepper-maple syrup lemonade for ten days straight. It's what all the Hollywood types do to lose weight after babies and before movies.

Me? I've been hip to the MC since my slacker days of '01. I used to work at a GNC in a strip mall. There were tons of wacky diet and holistic medicine pamphlets in our dollar bin. The Master Cleanse pamphlet was by far the most entertaining, with "All About Bowels" and "The Wonders of Lechitin" vying for close seconds.

The reason "The Master Cleanse" by Stanley Burroughs was so funny was because of how gung-ho and excited he was about fasting. It gave the impression that the guy didn't think much of food in the first place. Unfortunately, I don't have the pamphlet anymore, so I can't pull any direct quotes out of it. This is one of those times when you're telling a story about something so god damned funny that happened but everybody just looks at you with dull, glazed over eyes and you stop laughing and say, "Er...I guess you just had to be there."

So, yeah, you just had to be there. And now, eight years gone, I'm actually attempting to do the Master Cleanse.

Yesterday was hell. Which is funny, because I often go through entire days without eating--just because I'm busy or not thinking about it. However, when you can't eat for a reason, it becomes all that you can think about. Also, the lack of coffee and other such stimulants only added to my insane hunger pangs. When I got home from work, I took a hot bath, drank some more lemonade and fell asleep at 8pm. This morning, I woke up at 9am and drank a liter of salt water. It's now 11am and I feel, well, pretty crappy.

I've been able to juice detox for one to three days with fairly good results in the past. But I'm not feeling this whole maple syrup lemonade thing. I understand that the first few days are the most difficult with any kind of detox, but I don't really understand why drinking maple syrup and lemon juice so much better for you than doing carrot or pineapple juice.

Therefore, I give the master cleanse a thumbs down.

But, then again, maybe it's just the morning's salt water flush talking.

Which Lost Character Are You?

I was surprised by this one. I kept thinking they'd say I was Kate or something. But this is what I got:


Find out Which Lost Character Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!

Then again, I am a big drunk, so I guess this makes the most sense.

Manifesto

Basically, all I want is a blog where "Lost" fans, vegans, and "Legion of Superheroes" fans come to meet. I don't know if that will ever happen. But I will do my damnest to make them try.

My Dinner 02/05/08

I am Calorie Queen! Let me tell you what I had for dinner tonight!

It was a crazy burrito.

I sauteed some onions, green peppers, pineapple, and green beans.

Then I folded it up into a burrito with some brown rice and black beans.

I sauteed it on low heat with a little olive oil.

I would have taken a picture of it, but it all got eaten up.

It was delicious!!!

"LOST"

Oh, I almost forgot!

The best "Lost" analysis I've ever read came via Reason Magazine:

http://www.reason.com/news/show/124807.html

Read it.