tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88634114424549126382024-02-07T09:29:30.696-08:00Calorie QueenComic rants, drinking tales, vegan snacks, celebrity gossip, math problems, record reviews and "Lost" obsessions.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-80519022720965905352013-09-19T01:34:00.000-07:002013-09-19T01:34:00.232-07:00Build your own story menu:<br />
<br />
Pick one Genre:<br />
<br />
1) Romance<br />
2) Science Fiction<br />
3) Detective Fiction<br />
4) Tragedy<br />
5) Adventure<br />
6) Comedy<br />
7) Historical<br />
8) What have you<br />
<br />
Pick two objects from your own imagination. For example: a teddy bear, an ashtray, a bowling ball, tortillas, a robot... <br />
<br />
Pick a setting. For ex: The Louvre, New York City, a diner, 17th century Japan, a high school gym class... Doesn't have to be that specific. <br />
<br />
That's how it works. I'll crank out stories as long as y'all give me prompts!<br />
calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-75160658305450179162013-09-18T05:37:00.001-07:002013-09-18T05:37:29.290-07:00Four Years Later and I'm still Lazy as Hell...So I was going to start a new blog. I completely forgot about this old one I used to write when I was younger. But the fancy (scary) technology that exists in the future doesn't let anyone forget the past, much less me. Eh. It's okay. I guess I haven't changed my email in six or seven years, so it's all good. Blogger remembers me. I'm too lazy to come up with a new gmail account in order to start another blog from scratch. <br />
<br />
That said, I am changing the point of this blog. The new point is that I want to become a stronger writer. And I want my past blunders to be public record. (Although, I still think my old hangover cure is ingenious and way obvious...)<br />
<br />
Okay, the new point of this blog is that I'm a writer in training. I just got hip to this annual writing contest involving improv flash fiction. I'm not ready to enter this year, but I want to enter next year. So I need to train. <br />
<br />
Once again, that said, I need weekly prompts. Keep me on my toes, folks. Think of it like one of those sandwich places where you pick a bread, a meat, a cheese, and condiments. Except it's like a Genre (Romance, Horror, Detective, Drama, Comedy, etc.), then choose a place where you want the short story to be set, and then choose two objects that need to be involved in the story.<br />
<br />
Think of it like a build your own story menu. calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-50332094574595881512009-01-29T18:59:00.000-08:002009-04-22T20:44:22.370-07:00Ten Year Old Review!I spent yesterday afternoon reading <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Girlfriend-Coma-Douglas-Coupland/dp/0060987324">Girlfriend in a Coma</a> by Douglas Coupland. (Yes, I'm pretty sure that the title is based on the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiwL_Q3uugA">Smiths</a> song. Incidentally, you should listen to that song while reading this.) It's been many years since I've read anything that Coupland wrote--and by many I mean about twelve or thirteen. The reason I picked it up was because I was bored at Borders and the description on the back cover reminded me of some themes that I've been working on in my own writing.<br /><br />So, long story short, I ended up reading the entire book in one sitting on one of those comfy, faux leather Borders chairs by the graphic novel section. It took me about four hours to get through it, but it was a well spent winter afternoon.<br /><br />The basic plot of "Girlfriend in a Coma" is that Richard, a seventeen year old kid in 1979, loses his virginity to his girlfriend, Karen, the same night that she later falls into a sudden and unexplainable coma. However, she becomes pregnant and is able to carry the child to term. So he becomes a father to their daughter, Megan, while she remains in a coma.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Richard and his high school friends all go on to do different things. Some achieve moderate success, others fail. Some get addicted to drugs, some drop out of society, and some become complete overachieving go getters. Karen escapes the eighties and most of the nineties by being in a coma.<br /><br />The story climaxes on October 31st, 1997 when Karen awakes from her coma. Basically, she's a seventeen year old girl in a thirty-four year old body and can't understand what has happened to make her best friends from high school so vacant and jaded about life.<br /><br />The story takes a Vonnegut-esque twist at this point that I won't give away. Essentially, what I got from the book is that loneliness is what really drives people towards self-destruction and apathy. From that point on, it read to me like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Quinn">Daniel Quinn</a>. The "girlfriend in the coma" is not so much a prophet, but someone who has a different vantage point on modern civilization. Where we--the masses who move through time linearly can only see each step forward as an improvement--she has a sideways perspective on progress. For instance, she cannot understand why efficiency and technology are so important if they don't make people happier.<br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span>Our <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Guns-Germs-Steel-Fates-Societies/dp/0393317552">ancestors </a>would probably agree--before they decided to muck up life as we know it with the innovation of agriculture and private property.<br /><br />Thing is, I haven't read Douglas Coupland since I was in middle school. Despite the fact that the majority of the book took place in 1997, I thought it was a more recent work. Then I looked at the copyright and found out that it was actually written in 1998. Silly me! This review is over ten years irrelevant!<br /><br />But the reason that I was so easily fooled is because it IS still relevant. Coupland's main point in the book is that human beings have created such a disaster on this planet that even if all humans died instantly, the earth would not be able to repair itself on its own. We've left too much of a mess to just leave the party and hope that someone else cleans up after we go. (There are clever allusions to that in the book...) Furthermore, it's not enough to change small aspects of our lives--like driving hybrid cars, buying organic cleaning products, or making sure we take the recyclables out. We need a change in consciousness. We have to change the way that we think about everything. Essentially, in order to actually evolve as a parasitic species that can continue to exist on our host, we have to develop a different relationship with the Earth that might contradict some of our ideas about civilization.<br /><br />That's the big reason that I thought this was a newer work of his. Ten years ago, I can't really remember anyone talking much about that kind of thing. (Then again, ten years ago, I was a seventeen year old--so who knows what I remember about social consciousness.) Since being a teenager, I've read <a href="http://www.geog.ucla.edu/people/faculty.php?lid=3078&display_one=1&modify=1">Jared Diamond</a>, Daniel Quinn, and <a href="http://www.realitysandwich.com/blog/daniel_pinchbeck">Daniel Pinchbeck</a>.<br /><br />(At this point, you've probably had to restart "Girlfriend in a Coma" by the Smiths several times to get through this...me too. But it's worth it, right? It gets better the more you listen to it.)<br /><br />While I tend to be a naysayer when it comes to 2012 stuff, I am in complete agreement with Diamond, Quinn, Pinchbeck, and Coupland about the fact that we need to change how we think about human societies.<br /><br />Diamond, because he started his literary career based upon a simple question: "Why are indigenous tribal people of New Zealand happier and smarter than modern day white people?"<br /><br />Quinn because he made me wonder: "Would it REALLY be that bad if you couldn't get yams at the convenient store?" (Through the voice of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ishmael-Adventure-Spirit-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553375407">Ishmael</a>, a talking gorilla who thinks human civilization is really stupid and pointless...but not beyond repair...)<br /><br />Pinchbeck...? I just like the way he thinks about things. I already referenced him. Read his Reality Sandwich blog--it's worth it.<br /><br />And now Coupland is added to my "If you could invite four people to dinner..." list.<br /><br />(I should be so lucky to invite FOUR people to dinner! I'll make sesame marinated pea sprouts and sweet and sour tofu...in case you're wondering...)<br /><br />I'm happy that I wasn't nuts for liking Coupland so much in my youth. When I read "Girlfriend in a Coma" I had this strange, euphoric feeling...as if I was reading a book by the the guy we voted "most likely to succeed" in high school. I was giddy as hell. It was like, wow, the guy I always thought would be a great writer finally became one. (Ten years ago...albeit...)calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-83967053721509201302009-01-26T00:03:00.000-08:002009-01-30T11:40:13.868-08:00Lost is back!Yay!<br /><br />Lost has started!<br /><br />But...um...am I a nay sayer here...? I wasn't all that impressed by it's two hour debut. When I worked at the bank, I used to spend all day perusing lost theories online. Now that I'm not chained to the internet all day, I just don't seem to have the same passion for the show.<br /><br />Now, I always figured there was a time travel component to the show--ever since Desmond went all Dr. Manhattan in season three. And I love Jeremy Davies to death (I've had a crush on him since Saving Private Ryan) ... and I would cuddle him to the point of suffocation if I could. But this isn't working for me now.<br /><br />Things I liked:<br /><br />--introducing Frogurt<br />--Frogurt getting killed<br />--Shirtless Sawyer<br />--Seeing Francois Chau actually acting (geekery alert: Francois Chau and Jeremy Davies were in a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462504/fullcredits#cast">movie </a>together a couple years ago.)<br />--Miles bringing back a dead boar<br />--Seeing dreamy eyed Richard Alpert pop in and out<br />--Locke knifing that Dharma guy<br /><br />Notice a pattern? The only shit I liked about the episode was the island stuff. I hate the off island drama. The Oceanic Six are my LEAST favorite characters and I kind of wish they would have just died when the freighter blew. Ben was a cool character on the island, but now I think he's just a flunky. And I didn't really dig the whole Desmond "remembering" a dream thing...<br /><br />But I have faith in the show. I'm definitely not giving up on it. I just wish the damn Oceanic Six would get back to the island already.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-37407949644940663812008-08-24T09:12:00.001-07:002009-01-26T00:00:13.230-08:00The Legion of Three Worlds<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIzuxI5ew0iapfZYjlRExtgdZ0V9lJAWq5gQ5hg2telQS62JAyMxY7jKVnCMopaA6h9Tu88Gbat7pb1LzBgIPO-V2eGRNR1JOHIKcoopLImPs6c011Gu_WSsKhtte_FEXtkqyL3LQofYM/s1600-h/LoTWcover.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIzuxI5ew0iapfZYjlRExtgdZ0V9lJAWq5gQ5hg2telQS62JAyMxY7jKVnCMopaA6h9Tu88Gbat7pb1LzBgIPO-V2eGRNR1JOHIKcoopLImPs6c011Gu_WSsKhtte_FEXtkqyL3LQofYM/s200/LoTWcover.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238182246504931762" border="0" /></a><br />Like most Legion fans, I've been looking forward to "The Legion of Three Worlds" all year. Overall, I thought it was a good set up issue, but not much more than that.<br /><br />First of all, I hate Superman Prime. I get what he's about--I understand why his character is written the way it is--but he's still annoying as hell. So the fact that almost half of LoTW was devoted to him was disappointing. However, the best part of his storyline was when he meets up with the Legion of Super Villains. It reminded me of the old Silver Age story starring Dynamo Boy--a superpowered miscreant that infiltrates the Legion only to become a pawn of the LSV--who ultimately strand him at the end of time. (Secret origin of the Time Trapper anyone? That's my first crackpot theory of the morning.)<br /><br />Now, I like the direction that Johns is going with Superman trying to convince the Legion that they need to redeem Superman Prime rather than simply defeat him. At this point, I can't really imagine what that entails. Hopefully, it will involve them using their futuristic computers in a high tech game of spin the bottle:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrp9SWMrZs8FtOcm5fnFUd_-4V6ASRVxrBW421R58dwHOfJbwqaHf9aUh87uhZVvH_nzuj0vfygZZuXXOaCO1WsLDkxJGzoGgHrFbt_FBVecs-CtGs5AjToIkU5hmNri4SlTHs6iEIkw/s1600-h/kissinglegionnaires.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwrp9SWMrZs8FtOcm5fnFUd_-4V6ASRVxrBW421R58dwHOfJbwqaHf9aUh87uhZVvH_nzuj0vfygZZuXXOaCO1WsLDkxJGzoGgHrFbt_FBVecs-CtGs5AjToIkU5hmNri4SlTHs6iEIkw/s200/kissinglegionnaires.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238187299040407474" border="0" /></a><br />(note that it is Invisible Kid who is asking Star Boy to participate)<br /></div><br />The other problem I had with LoTW was that the legionnaires it focused on were pretty much the same ones from the recent Action Comics story. I am jonesing for some post-Zero Hour Legion here, and that one splash page of them at the end just wasn't enough for me. Yes, yes, I understand that this was merely a set up issue, but it would have been cool if they had woven them into the story a little bit more.<br /><br />As far as the newest Legion, the Waid/Shooter group, I could care less. I've been following it on and off, but I haven't really gotten into it. So I can't say that I really care much about their involvement in LoTW. However, I am excited to see the interactions between the different versions of the characters--most notably between the Brainiacs. The one thing I do like about the Waid/Shooter Legion is that their version of Brainiac seems most similar to Vril Dox II of L.E.G.I.O.N--especially in the early run when Barry Kitson was the artist. I think this character who is manipulative and scheming above all else will be an interesting contrast to the pre-Crisis and post Zero Hour versions of Brainiac. Also, I imagine the interaction between the wildly different versions of Shrinking Violet will be entertaining too.<br /><br />Things I liked: The scene with Polar Boy and Sun Boy was great:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXRbjaCVCNHk7AJ-Nqqo1glilH218FkgmUOoTmeiXVWtjYfKms7DsfOKEHbr0sa1ZwssIlMuUNMfvYWD1dBpkIOPGD6QxYiG-TrvogFSDFSepxF3wGyz0cLBxu7_RyuMZn6bTjEDvYXE/s1600-h/LoTW2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXRbjaCVCNHk7AJ-Nqqo1glilH218FkgmUOoTmeiXVWtjYfKms7DsfOKEHbr0sa1ZwssIlMuUNMfvYWD1dBpkIOPGD6QxYiG-TrvogFSDFSepxF3wGyz0cLBxu7_RyuMZn6bTjEDvYXE/s200/LoTW2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238182458764407298" border="0" /></a>Especially because I found it to be reminiscent of a scene from the Five Years Later Legion after Sun Boy has let the Legion fall apart under his leadership.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWpvkzTCz4Pg8pijVNr1em13axfbjyaQyE1L7ktTlHHOJIlnASKJI4358xXjHCMdtJODLonOt4Q136wipgJfLpJ3fj04cQSbXeHpSRf-oUBozX2uM6uggmxHT-68CHpVRL2veSNM0lIAA/s1600-h/SunboyV41.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWpvkzTCz4Pg8pijVNr1em13axfbjyaQyE1L7ktTlHHOJIlnASKJI4358xXjHCMdtJODLonOt4Q136wipgJfLpJ3fj04cQSbXeHpSRf-oUBozX2uM6uggmxHT-68CHpVRL2veSNM0lIAA/s200/SunboyV41.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238183546798180642" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoeQncG7zvYfan9A-iJJya2ZNTEKkY35IFN3pLXLFvkac53hrsJphVZVf7f-dFTbCo2Lsi9IJq5cKSbKaPTq61QJ9EuHdHb9yc9UqbxWIR8bPQtym3rIlnbqwhoXQApLFc7J6ABLgOf4Q/s1600-h/SunboyV42.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoeQncG7zvYfan9A-iJJya2ZNTEKkY35IFN3pLXLFvkac53hrsJphVZVf7f-dFTbCo2Lsi9IJq5cKSbKaPTq61QJ9EuHdHb9yc9UqbxWIR8bPQtym3rIlnbqwhoXQApLFc7J6ABLgOf4Q/s200/SunboyV42.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238183779616409314" border="0" /></a><br />I don't know if this was an intentional shout out to the Five Years Later Legion, but I still thought it was pretty cool.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-66827721934007322352008-07-27T17:33:00.000-07:002008-07-27T18:10:20.544-07:00Review of MeltI finally found a vegan sandwich at <a href="http://www.meltbarandgrilled.com/home.html">Melt </a>that I could tolerate. The first time I had one, I got the vegan mozzarella with fried tofu and bbq sauce. The cheese was slimy and the tofu was bland--the only thing that made it palatable was the bbq sauce. So I was a little skeptical about trying the vegan cheese again. However, I wasn't in the mood for salad or three bean chili sans dairy. So I decided to try the vegan american this time and pair it with sliced jalapeƱo peppers. It ended up being an awesome combination of cheese and heat. It was definitely one of those "I can't believe it's vegan" experiences. I will certainly be going back for this in the near future.<br /><br />As far as cocktails go, I had heard a lot of hype about Melt' s "Las Vegas Lavender Mojito", so I decided to try it. Although it was pretty tasty, it didn't need nearly as much lavender leaves as the bartender dropped in the glass. By the time I was half-way through drinking it, it became a sludgy mess of lavender and rum. It would be much better if they used lavender water as a flavoring agent rather than the actual leaves. My next cocktail was a house specialty. The name of it is escaping me now, but it had something to do with Russia and it was comprised of vodka, ginger and lime juice. Now that was a damn fine cocktail. It was actually my boyfriend who pointed it out on the menu to me and said, "Wow, it sounds like they made this drink just for you." Indeed they did.<br /><br />In sum, it was a good dining experience. The vegan cheese is awesome because it was filling but I don't feel completely sluggish or overstuffed--unlike my poor boyfriend who's currently passed out in a food coma after devouring his gouda sandwich and two micro brews.<br /><br />I don't envy him.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-70959655512760997212008-07-21T20:55:00.000-07:002009-01-26T00:52:47.387-08:00More Legion of Superheroes Minutiae!I spent a great deal of my last few posts talking about Legion of Superheroes minutiae. And I've decided that I'm just going to continue that.<br /><br />In the 1980's, DC decided to end all their current superhero titles and have them start over from scratch. They wanted to streamline the characters so they weren't as complex or confusing to readers. This was all fine and good for the most part, except when it came to the Legion of Superheroes-- because for whatever reason, they decided not to reboot that title. Maybe they figured that since it took place in the 30th century it was far enough removed from the rest of DC continuity to really make much of a difference. I don't know the full story on that one. However, I do know that this created major problems in reconciling Legion continuity with that of the newly rebooted DC universe. <span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><br />Namely, the Superboy problem.<br /><br />Originally, the Legion of Superheroes only existed because the legend of Superman inspired them to don costumes and use their superpowers for good a thousand years later. All fine and good, really. You don't see too many teenagers these days acting out the great deeds of King Arthur or Amir Hamza. However, the time traveling youngsters couldn't leave well enough alone. Rather than simply being inspired by Superman, they had to travel back to the past when he was a boy and play practical jokes on him.<br /><br />But he was a good sport and eventually became a member of the superhero club of the future.<br />the way the way Superboy's existence in the Legion was explained was that the Time Trapper intentionally misdirected all of the Legion's trips to the past into a "Pocket Earth" that he created. So, essentially, every time the Legion thought they were traveling into the past, they were really just going to an alternate dimension.<br /><br />Ultimately, this reconfiguration resulted in the exile of the Legion of Superheroes from mainstream DC continuity. The regular stories continued a couple of years after the Crisis, albeit with a new version of the Pocket Earth Superboy that was swiftly killed to avoid further confusion.<br /><br />When the new Legion appeared in 1989, it took place 5 years after the last Legion storyline, "The Magic Wars". The 30th century was a completely different place as a result of the Magic Wars. It was similar to the Dark Ages, after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. Technology and progress were stagnant, the evil Dominator aliens were able to use the period of instability in order to take control of Earth, and the Legion of Superheroes had disbanded. Essentially, the 30th century was now a dystopia where the virtue and heroism of the Legion had no place.<br /><br />This reversal of fortune led to a new kind of storytelling for the Legion. The five years between the Magic Wars and the opening of the new title were never clearly defined. It was a mysterious period that was alluded to every once in awhile, often through supplementary meta-narratives, in the form of news articles about the Legionnaires and other characters (similar to the extras in the Watchmen). Like this one, about the planet Daxam (which they were trying to establish as a Krypton analog to replace the presence of Superman and Supergirl):<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJKxuA3PLG-s4la0vD9qm890pJn5JrqU3Zo7G1j6j9MYtvhx1taaNFxXX3HXJfZg5PjLrFdat08qlO8kDkNrDEZ-uEJD8gXhCFT11LTLkzUyVv4eFaj0l_hRt0YVQ16X5jq102PIcVk2A/s1600-h/LastdaysofDaxam.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJKxuA3PLG-s4la0vD9qm890pJn5JrqU3Zo7G1j6j9MYtvhx1taaNFxXX3HXJfZg5PjLrFdat08qlO8kDkNrDEZ-uEJD8gXhCFT11LTLkzUyVv4eFaj0l_hRt0YVQ16X5jq102PIcVk2A/s200/LastdaysofDaxam.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226029526797333970" border="0" /></a>However, the majority of the five year gap was never completely explained. This added an extra level of tension and suspense to the stories--especially because it took awhile for certain characters to reemerge in the new timeline--and to see how the ones who did appear had changed.<br /><br />The core characters at this point were Cosmic Boy (Rokk Krinn), Chameleon Boy (Reep Daggle), Shrinking Violet (Salu Digby), Lighning Lass (Ayla Ranzz), Brainiac 5 (Querl Dox), Ultra Boy (Jo Nah), Brin Londo (Timber Wolf) and Laurel Gand (this version's Supergirl replacement). There were a few other new characters like Celeste MacCauley (a private investigator from Earth) and Kono (a yellow skinned, blue haired space pirate). Other Legionnaires made cameo appearances or occasionally had an issue devoted to them, but for the most part the main storyline primarily focused on the above mentioned characters. Shrinking Violet, who was now a scarfaced, one legged lesbian in a relationship with Lightning Lass. (One of my favorite Legion couples of all time, incidentally.)<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7vBqt1CDk0DxWMAkBmr0_WKTXuRtuGaKaQ5dTydEXSKvpHF5Ri5j-XA86JLmnkcuhK0J1rcVLJXZVaK-KxuA__ocLDWj0wIfptA9PrECXQca6Bo3LkpNmuUnweOzM9kfOKGHqLscUPk/s1600-h/LarGandcover.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf7vBqt1CDk0DxWMAkBmr0_WKTXuRtuGaKaQ5dTydEXSKvpHF5Ri5j-XA86JLmnkcuhK0J1rcVLJXZVaK-KxuA__ocLDWj0wIfptA9PrECXQca6Bo3LkpNmuUnweOzM9kfOKGHqLscUPk/s200/LarGandcover.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5225690328748494834" border="0" /></a>Originally, Lar Gand was Mon-El, one of Superboy's distant relatives from the planet Krypton who was trapped in the Phantom Zone for a thousand years. (Incidentally, most incarnations of this character tend to stay true to the thousand year trial in the Phantom Zone. It's part of his mythos, which I think is totally cool.)<br /><br />Anyway, in the Five Year Later Legion, Lar Gand became the Superboy figure in the Legion's past, because in order for them to shoo away the impact that Superboy had on the foundation of<br />the Legion, they had to talk up Lar Gand's accomplishments.<br /><br />Essentially, the transmogrified him into the backbone of the Legion. Reading, through this stuff now, I don't really understand what DC was thinking at the time. I mean, I read this stuff because I love it--but if they launched a comic now with this kind of narrative format, I'd be totally pissed off.<br /><br />Then again, most of the Five Year Later Legion was supposed to be mysterious and terrifying.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-49405228213908116132008-07-19T08:49:00.000-07:002011-02-16T05:32:20.021-08:00Tenzil for the defence!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-CLbOJF-TmnQIj9kf2QF0cqcbgaMcMGPC11sPucwj0MhPvpnTdmtYgyunIPAypWNjKjsUHet9ZglqUeL8WU-b_m2kI8FRUZR9udCJObtf04KOVz3zkHjpehPO8tzuMHLpRIWUH8Ng4lk/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224801070438577682" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-CLbOJF-TmnQIj9kf2QF0cqcbgaMcMGPC11sPucwj0MhPvpnTdmtYgyunIPAypWNjKjsUHet9ZglqUeL8WU-b_m2kI8FRUZR9udCJObtf04KOVz3zkHjpehPO8tzuMHLpRIWUH8Ng4lk/s200/Tenzilforthedefence.jpg" /></a><br />This is one of my favorite comic book issues ever. Despite the fact that I've read it about 78 times, it still makes me crack up whenever I flip through it. This is definitely the comic I would bring to a deserted island, along with a suitcase filled with knives and a backgammon set.<br /><br />This was issue 11 of the TMK or "5 Years Later" Legion. Basically, the storyline jumped ahead five years into the future after the Legion had disbanded and all the former heroes were miserable grifters, broken losers and tortured has-beens. Like many superhero books of its day, the new Legion was supposed to be darker and grittier than its earlier incarnations. It was a modern (meaning late 80's/early 90's) interpretation of superheroes as tragic figures rather than happy go lucky demi-gods that got into wacky adventures and spent the majority of their free time playing pranks on their friends.<br /><br />However, I didn't even start reading comic books until that period, so this version of the Legion is the one that created my foundation of what the 30th century was supposed to be--despite the fact that it was really just one long imaginary tale in the grand scheme of DC history.<br /><br />While this particular issue tied into the events going on in the regular comic, it was more of a stand alone story--a brief respite from all the serious and gloomy melodrama happening. Basically, Matter Eater Lad has become an attorney/senator/archaeologist that stars in his own reality show. He is summoned to the Dominator controlled Earth to defend Polar Boy, who has been arrested for causing political dissonance at a pizza place. Pretty straight forward, right?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf68vzstCao_lB7PtaKtbGdjarEg3OpGix2Pu1z2mKors0qjcGYR3pd7Hx-q5Org-7YHhNFah7pFZec8GaKmN2Y3M56dl3QZNCohC1k4yeIvhrBMeLdpHHApc0Z8NJlUCC4qHWTiH4Jtk/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefencep1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224773280129833170" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf68vzstCao_lB7PtaKtbGdjarEg3OpGix2Pu1z2mKors0qjcGYR3pd7Hx-q5Org-7YHhNFah7pFZec8GaKmN2Y3M56dl3QZNCohC1k4yeIvhrBMeLdpHHApc0Z8NJlUCC4qHWTiH4Jtk/s200/Tenzilforthedefencep1.jpg" /></a><br />Although Matter Eater Lad is possibly the most awesome superhero invention of all time, I think a lot people regard his existence as the greatest example of stupidity in the Silver Age. This issue acknowledged that in a lighthearted way. In fact, that's one of the reasons that this version of the Legion was so interesting--because it wasn't a complete reboot or overhaul. While the writers were forced to make necessary changes to the Legion's history, such as erasing Superboy and Supergirl from existence and replacing them with the Daxamites, they never tried to deny the fact that the Legion's history was inherently silly and campy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEHrMB6GnI_ZiC6i0msRB7PfQznH9y2cdWRHBMihmvMwwHw1RAhxKpjMcUTsJtDuM-WB9T37v4DK3h3COlZZsqvAPal4aozmWIe5eLvpqL5m6cMzlj_DxTnBssyqTmnKVytwk5nJpWSwg/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefencep2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224777954131783394" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEHrMB6GnI_ZiC6i0msRB7PfQznH9y2cdWRHBMihmvMwwHw1RAhxKpjMcUTsJtDuM-WB9T37v4DK3h3COlZZsqvAPal4aozmWIe5eLvpqL5m6cMzlj_DxTnBssyqTmnKVytwk5nJpWSwg/s200/Tenzilforthedefencep2.jpg" /></a><br />But enough about why I think this Legion run was one of the amazing comics of its time. This issue is my favorite for the simple fact that it still makes me laugh--even upon its 79th reading.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP9vv9MBGx196D2OAADcdQJz8BDk5spwapayeeCkwyJzV70OZSaZGSDvSsh9C6OKH4i-MI5CEP5jI-k37y8P6iip_cokgxf2PC9f1MMrALPXaV-FwOgpLxDH7C6AbwNyVtEfLfEHJGtxY/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224778320523984242" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP9vv9MBGx196D2OAADcdQJz8BDk5spwapayeeCkwyJzV70OZSaZGSDvSsh9C6OKH4i-MI5CEP5jI-k37y8P6iip_cokgxf2PC9f1MMrALPXaV-FwOgpLxDH7C6AbwNyVtEfLfEHJGtxY/s200/Tenzilforthedefence3.jpg" /></a>I love the dated Dan Quale joke. I mean, I barely get it. I vaguely remember people thinking that the Vice President of that time was a total moron, but I can't remember why. I think it had something to do with him mispronouncing words.<br /><br />Anyway...amazingly enough, the ratings on "Wild Archaeology" are pretty low, so Tenzil is reassigned to star in a courtroom show. He discovers that Polar Boy, former founder of The Legion of Substitute Heroes, has been imprisoned by Earthgov and decides to take the case, much to Polar Boy's chagrin...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho4dGkknCjR6msX4iygbEldgeRqiCc2ImZk9BA-spCxZvn5PBgsr15lXp_-Gy9Ln_OefmLWYqbGz1OIjSnahUSCSeP5118TEn7f_3HFcvJ1FY0AfLEFKxScjjFr-TmXwE-GTZLKn2Y1gQ/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence5.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224782166748355538" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho4dGkknCjR6msX4iygbEldgeRqiCc2ImZk9BA-spCxZvn5PBgsr15lXp_-Gy9Ln_OefmLWYqbGz1OIjSnahUSCSeP5118TEn7f_3HFcvJ1FY0AfLEFKxScjjFr-TmXwE-GTZLKn2Y1gQ/s200/Tenzilforthedefence5.jpg" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExPXIbmSJH4QgA8hjzCZo5kDmH0rwwaiKmeD5xlmmsZigxkuJbkVcklPgtRvF5h3WeYPEs0cJ7VTFC1IjIYxyfQEijZoQeDtA2rYbhCAT8q0zIHD9lFRRynt1p43CdbFrBqEIGSQIOsA/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence6.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224783912568632482" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExPXIbmSJH4QgA8hjzCZo5kDmH0rwwaiKmeD5xlmmsZigxkuJbkVcklPgtRvF5h3WeYPEs0cJ7VTFC1IjIYxyfQEijZoQeDtA2rYbhCAT8q0zIHD9lFRRynt1p43CdbFrBqEIGSQIOsA/s200/Tenzilforthedefence6.jpg" /></a>I always really liked the dynamic between these two in this issue. Also, it's sort of a funny pairing because, in retrospect, Polar Boy must have really hated Matter Eater Lad. I mean, Polar Boy got rejected from the Legion of Superhero tryouts because his ability to <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">control a powerful force of nature</span> was regarded as being a worthless super power while Matter Eater Lad, a guy who could just eat stuff, was admitted for membership.<br /><br />Anyway, Tenzil displays some pretty impressive legal skills in the courtroom.<br /><span style="TEXT-DECORATION: underline"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHPUVEBcGD16F9E4c__u8kUVVP6rAbl1RFPbK0wltDEI_ZWzLFEBigNWqkv2y7zV3u1eu8zi92dR9YOuri5tq5QrtocvATu8ACsTyVQmnn4i9pIIUEzT4Cy26k8LgU_SP5twU5Bn96jAk/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefencepanel2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224856489565116130" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHPUVEBcGD16F9E4c__u8kUVVP6rAbl1RFPbK0wltDEI_ZWzLFEBigNWqkv2y7zV3u1eu8zi92dR9YOuri5tq5QrtocvATu8ACsTyVQmnn4i9pIIUEzT4Cy26k8LgU_SP5twU5Bn96jAk/s200/Tenzilforthedefencepanel2.jpg" /></a>And then there's this defense, which I am completely prepared to use if I'm ever arrested for inciting a riot at a pizza place...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA3WMwqK49570y04V7pPYwysH2mDjCnekycrTYgfL5usUCmT_4m7PXJVfn3thCQbOHUAhXRK-PhFfH6pgOy2nI9Av9PVkiLHqL7uqLe5MvjO5e3JwvZ-FiQh3L-gHIgw1AQq0D-UggYWc/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefencepanel3.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224857975347430754" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA3WMwqK49570y04V7pPYwysH2mDjCnekycrTYgfL5usUCmT_4m7PXJVfn3thCQbOHUAhXRK-PhFfH6pgOy2nI9Av9PVkiLHqL7uqLe5MvjO5e3JwvZ-FiQh3L-gHIgw1AQq0D-UggYWc/s200/Tenzilforthedefencepanel3.jpg" /></a>Incidentally, this is just as good a time as any to point out that I always really dug the whole futuristic Enlightenment Era style of dress going on in this version of the Legion.<br /><br />Oh, and if you were wondering about that whole "Green Lanterns not being allowed on Earths on Mondays" thing, for some reason that I was never quite clear on, Green Lanterns were banned from Earth in the 30th century. As Matter Eater Lad is sure to make note of in his defense:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PNjIGv_qb20oXtpYeZfYRqzrKOc711AWGm4GE4Zw4c5dvDR_RUWkIGvQ1Qob7aIwPOOZhWSmfFCbDx4XX9UQDkkuwzSYOnlOyEm9hRh8tkLxLZNLI4jG_JPc6RR4Za0SM91nJYq7jPA/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence7.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224861474346779410" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5PNjIGv_qb20oXtpYeZfYRqzrKOc711AWGm4GE4Zw4c5dvDR_RUWkIGvQ1Qob7aIwPOOZhWSmfFCbDx4XX9UQDkkuwzSYOnlOyEm9hRh8tkLxLZNLI4jG_JPc6RR4Za0SM91nJYq7jPA/s200/Tenzilforthedefence7.jpg" /></a>The culmination of Tenzil's amazing legal superpowers is coming up next.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPSWyp0osYerQuBb1CGE-DK6gGi31Hj8m7s91vf30sdqjbKQ-iUlKhXTrhwY3cLE4lLfylRTqsFYBQgK7NSpqCXzq1jI9N5N7Bi3lWFvLXzn8mZp6u-ane6QOB6uxPldRilwZmOb31UrY/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence9.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224862122555311554" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPSWyp0osYerQuBb1CGE-DK6gGi31Hj8m7s91vf30sdqjbKQ-iUlKhXTrhwY3cLE4lLfylRTqsFYBQgK7NSpqCXzq1jI9N5N7Bi3lWFvLXzn8mZp6u-ane6QOB6uxPldRilwZmOb31UrY/s200/Tenzilforthedefence9.jpg" /></a>Anyway, the comic concludes shortly after this. In true deus ex machina fashion, Matter Eater Lad is able to get Polar Boy off on account of his not having access to a fair and speedy trial. And the prosecutor, who you get the impression has the hots for Tenzil, concedes.<br /><br />After this, Matter Eater Lad didn't get a whole lot of attention in the new Legion. Then again, he was really only a peripheral character to begin with. I think there was another issue devoted to him later on in this run, where he marries the reformed ex-Legion of Super Villain Saturn Queen. I'll have to break that out one of these days.<br /><br />But for now, I'll leave you with this.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaPhz6x8gy0IJh0M8ABiKicm8x0tv71g36gn5AilDm9XUiDMnRgeRt7X80M8W7b7QhK7ZqcDg-_YPSUg9WmFsCVANn5O79aliYIENAvsnDeNvMjmS-PSVC1X6Z7GhqhWAlGdVUPkDLzDE/s1600-h/Tenzilforthedefence10.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; DISPLAY: block; CURSOR: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224864713421943010" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaPhz6x8gy0IJh0M8ABiKicm8x0tv71g36gn5AilDm9XUiDMnRgeRt7X80M8W7b7QhK7ZqcDg-_YPSUg9WmFsCVANn5O79aliYIENAvsnDeNvMjmS-PSVC1X6Z7GhqhWAlGdVUPkDLzDE/s200/Tenzilforthedefence10.jpg" /></a>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-22891761669722712822008-07-18T17:24:00.000-07:002008-12-09T20:28:24.821-08:00My First Introduction to the Legion of Superheroes: "Pawns of Time"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHDK0SGq73Xj7AWju7gOSeDcIQrLr6RPN1DX_tjQJNWaEd1W6E0g5jBBoZLx-BlNNFL1JhIaePM0SKl8Nf47GZUvhB8Gt6rZGM9YerCaMiKfucDTQElvxtFwPINFxpUr8l9vflBtkiXE/s1600-h/pawnsoftime2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHHDK0SGq73Xj7AWju7gOSeDcIQrLr6RPN1DX_tjQJNWaEd1W6E0g5jBBoZLx-BlNNFL1JhIaePM0SKl8Nf47GZUvhB8Gt6rZGM9YerCaMiKfucDTQElvxtFwPINFxpUr8l9vflBtkiXE/s200/pawnsoftime2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224515752950420162" border="0" /></a><br />I really don't know what attracted me to this when I was seven or eight. I found this at some weird bookstore or hobby shop I went to with my dad. Actually, I can't really remember it that well. We may have been at a thrift store for all I know. But I do remember that I really, really wanted it for some reason.<br /><br />But now that I ruminate on the cover over a nice, cold Dinklel Acker, I think it was Supergirl that made me want it so much. After all, I thought <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088206/">Supergirl </a>was amazing. She always reminded me of my older cousin Christine, who I absolutely idolized at that point in my life.<br /><br />However, after making my dad buy it for me, I found out that it wasn't a story at all. Rather, it was this:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtEOhbjbvD2ikPERebiGCHT7EM289ujbpEQ517xbAykaQ2S8krVf3zLE4ht8bLzITug4uiIiuHts4EEcb6KEGMrhCpHgwxEyjAqYSOXFiuy2jCFoCU56qQXT9e_KrgIh3COGNsv9z7O0/s1600-h/pawnsoftimerules.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwtEOhbjbvD2ikPERebiGCHT7EM289ujbpEQ517xbAykaQ2S8krVf3zLE4ht8bLzITug4uiIiuHts4EEcb6KEGMrhCpHgwxEyjAqYSOXFiuy2jCFoCU56qQXT9e_KrgIh3COGNsv9z7O0/s200/pawnsoftimerules.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224525780227342066" border="0" /></a><br />This was NOT what I thought it was going to be. I was so pissed on the car ride home that this was what I got for going shopping with my dad. In retrospect, I guess I should have at least flipped through it before assuming it was a Supergirl comic book.<br /><br />Nonetheless, I still read it:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9uGrfq6f2ActlTKVg6eJBPl6pAU59zcNlyK6QyVifQ3V4a6W_UuZf-YDO5G8gLornMArn0hkfUNXHftTxCh9J0b2agFG8-T6xKK7F6jgq3HEk05fAjV6lq767aH-3hyCtA1L5DkZdroU/s1600-h/pawnsoftimedeadcharacters.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9uGrfq6f2ActlTKVg6eJBPl6pAU59zcNlyK6QyVifQ3V4a6W_UuZf-YDO5G8gLornMArn0hkfUNXHftTxCh9J0b2agFG8-T6xKK7F6jgq3HEk05fAjV6lq767aH-3hyCtA1L5DkZdroU/s200/pawnsoftimedeadcharacters.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224529137493917202" border="0" /></a><br />I didn't understand anything about role playing games or DC comic books at this point. All I wanted was a picture book about Supergirl. I thought it'd be like a super-powered Sweet Valley High story. However, it was only some shitty rule book for a game I didn't understand with black and white drawings. So this is what I did with it:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFwf3FFbTJ5zqJ3wuGLJKRNhwVu1FxJ-lA6I60YfPAHKPUsjaMqGnSlniROYSRnJTfBJB0QUHjF0g8zlRd3o5qCsCtmjs1_REu4q2YQwD3vifhrvSI1-nuaVZq4ihhxUa2mF-eROnSOE/s1600-h/pawnsoftimelallorheroescolo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFwf3FFbTJ5zqJ3wuGLJKRNhwVu1FxJ-lA6I60YfPAHKPUsjaMqGnSlniROYSRnJTfBJB0QUHjF0g8zlRd3o5qCsCtmjs1_REu4q2YQwD3vifhrvSI1-nuaVZq4ihhxUa2mF-eROnSOE/s200/pawnsoftimelallorheroescolo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224531379311607490" border="0" /></a><br />Man! I was a pretty lazy kid!<br /><br />Anyway, I am not a fan of "Pawns of Time". Even though it has stuff like this in it:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXrG5gDI4Mx9D6FYnpobWR9YMNRddBsMEMFBD1hy_x5Bm4Sl4E_MktS3t6Pje8UYSiG1bg8CnvZJgZvCnfbvBL5jPYgnqhhpCqooVt78bPvQklIqgwF1CzqmHANVvzzqv2SO7ZCSENZmE/s1600-h/pawnsoftimeactionscene.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXrG5gDI4Mx9D6FYnpobWR9YMNRddBsMEMFBD1hy_x5Bm4Sl4E_MktS3t6Pje8UYSiG1bg8CnvZJgZvCnfbvBL5jPYgnqhhpCqooVt78bPvQklIqgwF1CzqmHANVvzzqv2SO7ZCSENZmE/s200/pawnsoftimeactionscene.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224533561378389330" border="0" /></a>(Which you'll notice I did not try to color...)<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Ultimately, I never cared for this book because it was confusing and boring. But it piqued my curiosity in the Legion of Superheroes enough to try to figure out who they were and what they did--and why they would be fighting their dead team members in some asinine game?<br /><br />And why, I wondered, would you ever name a superhero "Gas Girl?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqZGLhUitHWbtaEANjyTOnoXUeV52qdtsRImkVU052yQ27P0cNbTovsCR117aGpyZn8cZtgE1e9ywyk0hCBCWaKGeAczLPnKThDcHCeer3ulKPH2EJTVMd0VtaIjLuUk_7onCvkHOi8Q/s1600-h/gasgirl.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqZGLhUitHWbtaEANjyTOnoXUeV52qdtsRImkVU052yQ27P0cNbTovsCR117aGpyZn8cZtgE1e9ywyk0hCBCWaKGeAczLPnKThDcHCeer3ulKPH2EJTVMd0VtaIjLuUk_7onCvkHOi8Q/s200/gasgirl.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224539842736784642" border="0" /></a><br />It was absolutely befuddling to me. I didn't get it. It probably didn't help that this was book one in a four part series and I didn't have any friends who would ever even attempt to play this with me.<br /><br />Incidentally, I still don't.<br /><br /></div>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-19373969515898570822008-05-04T15:25:00.000-07:002008-05-04T20:38:34.573-07:00Five or More Easy Things to do with TofuThis post was inspired by my friend Ralph who said I ought to write about five easy things to do with tofu. But after I got to writing about the subject, I realized that I had more than five things to say about it. So the title of this would probably be better as, "Lots of Easy Things to do with Tofu!"<br /><br />Before I became vegetarian, I don't think I had ever tried tofu. I didn't really understand much about it and my first experience cooking it resulted in a goopy, unappetizing mess. Primarily, this was because I didn't understand how to work with it. But after years of trial and error I think I've got a better handle on it.<br /><br />The kind of tofu that you choose will make a difference. There are plenty of variations--smoked, pressed, sheets--but this entry will mainly focus on silken and firm tofu. Silken tofu is best for fillings, dips, sauces and desserts. If you try to marinate and fry it, it will usually fall apart--resulting in a goopy, unappetizing mess. Firm tofu is best for stir-frys, scrambles, and grilling.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Silken Tofu:</span><br /><br />This kind of tofu is usually sold in vacuum packed boxes. Sometimes you can find it packed in water. The best way to work with it is to use it as a substitute for soft dairy products--like sour cream, cream cheese, or mayonnaise (which, I'm not sure if that's technically considered a dairy product. I think the real stuff is made out of eggs? I don't know. I never really cared for it much anyway.)<br /><br />So here's two of my favorite recipes that use silken tofu:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cilantro Sour Cream<br /></span><br />This is an old stand-by. I make this every time I make chili or enchiladas. It's easy and quick. And since I usually like things on the spicy side, this is a good cooling condiment. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>1 12oz package silken tofu<br />1/2 cup packed fresh cilantro<br />1 tbls olive oil<br />1 tsp fresh minced garlic<br />1 tbls fresh lime juice<br />pinch of salt or splash of soy sauce<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>1) blend tofu in a food processor until it has the consistency of sour cream<br />2) Add other ingredients to food processor. Blend until everything is homogenized.<br />For best results, let it chill for at least half an hour before serving. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Spinach Artichoke Dip:<br /></span></span><br />I brought this to my friend <a href="http://ninepanelgrid.blogspot.com">John G's</a> art opening last Christmas. People seemed to like it. It got eaten. But nobody asked me if it was vegan. So maybe that's a good sign in the grand scheme of tricking people into eating vegan food. It was a fun opening. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span>1 12oz package silken tofu<br />1 can artichoke hearts<br />12 0z fresh or frozen spinach<br />1/2 cup nutritional yeast<br />1 tbls olive oil<br />1 tbls lemon juice or apple cider vinegar<br />2 tsp salt or 1tbls soy sauce or equivalent, to taste<br />garlic, paprika, cayenne and dry mustard to taste<br />fresh cracked pepper<br /><br />1. In a food processor, blend tofu, nutritional yeast, and lemon juice until everything is homogenized. If mixture is too thick, add a little water or soy milk to thin it out.<br />2. Heat a sauce pan over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and lightly sautee garlic. Then add the artichokes, spinach, tofu mixture and spices. Gently bring to a boil--stirring constantly. Lower heat.<br />3. Let simmer for twenty minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent it from sticking. If you want to thicken it, add more nutritional yeast. If you want it greasier, add more olive oil.<br />Serve warm with tortilla chips, bread, or fresh veggies.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Firm Tofu:</span><br /><br />Firm tofu usually comes packed in water in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. This kind of tofu has a more solid consistency than the silken stuff and holds its shape when cooking. If you want the tofu to be firmer, it's a good idea to drain the water and then freeze it before using. When you defrost it, the tofu will release more water, resulting in a thicker and chewier product that will absorb sauces and marinades better.<br /><br />Another way to remove excess water is to weigh it down. One method of doing this is to slice the tofu into thick pieces and lay it on a paper towel covered plate. Then place another plate on top of the tofu and use a big book as a weight, like a dictionary or a collected works of Shakespeare.<br /><br />Typically, firm tofu is best used as a protein source in dishes that would otherwise call for meat or dairy. This is where seasoning and marinades become important. Left to its own devices, tofu tends to be pretty bland. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. A good way to think about tofu is that it's a blank canvas. I mean, honestly, I don't know much about cooking meat since I've been a vegetarian from about the time I was allowed to use a stove by myself. However, I watch enough reality food shows to know that seasoning meat is an important step in the cooking process. So don't skip this step with tofu. One of the most common complaints I hear from vegetarians and carnivores alike is that they don't like making tofu is because it always ends up tasteless and mushy. The easiest way to get around this is by removing excess water (as discussed above) and proper seasoning.<br /><br />Obviously, you need to match the marinade with the dish. Tofu will absorb anything you feed it. The next step in preparing tasty tofu is to cook it properly. If you want to create crispy tofu, then the best methods are frying, searing, baking and grilling. However, crispy tofu is not the only tasty mode of preparation. Sometimes long marinading or slow simmering will create a texture that is not firm, but equally flavorful. The following are a few of my favorite firm tofu recipes that each involve a different method of preparation.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tofu Feta<br /></span><br />This is something my carnivore dad always gets excited about. He has this funny thing where he turns his nose towards tofu--or anything vegetarian, for that matter. However, whenever I'm making this at their house, he always plunges his fingers into the bowl to grab a taste and asks suspiciously, "This isn't your weird <span style="font-style: italic;">to-fu </span>stuff, is it?"<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>"No, no, of course not, dad."<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>"Oh, good, good..."<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br />"Um, dad, I'm making this for dinner...stop eating it all..."<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Recipe:<br /><br /></span>1 16oz block extra firm tofu<br />1/4 cup fresh lemon juice<br />2 tbls olive oil<br />1 handful fresh parsley<br />1 tbls fresh minced garlic<br />1 tsp coarse sea salt (or more to taste)<br />fresh cracked pepper<br /><br />1) Blend lemon juice, olive oil, parsley, garlic, and salt.<br />2) Mash tofu in a bowl with a fork. Do not pulverize it. It should be chunky.<br />3) Pour lemon mixture over the tofu and stir. Garnish with fresh cracked pepper.<br />For best results, chill for at least an hour. Then serve over salad, with pita, or use as a filling for spinach pies.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Spicy Tofu Spinach Enchiladas<br /></span></span><br />I made this for the Red Krayola when they played Parish Hall. They loved it. I tried to get Mayo Thompson to write me a grad school letter based upon my enchiladas. He agreed.<br /><br />Filling:<br />1 16oz package firm tofu<br />8 oz fresh or frozen spinach<br />1 tbls olive oil<br />1 tbls fresh lime juice<br />1 tbls fresh minced garlic<br />1 tsp salt, more to taste<br />fresh cracked pepper, to taste<br /><br />Sauce:<br />16oz tomato sauce<br />1 tbls olive oil<br />1 tsp fresh minced garlic<br />1 tbls cayenne pepper (yes, 1tbls, or less to taste)<br /><br />6 flour or corn tortillas (more or less depending on how much you fill 'em)<br /><br />1) To make filling, whisk olive oil, lemon juice and spices. In another bowl, mash tofu, but don't pulverize it. If using fresh spinach, chop it finely and lightly steam or microwave it. If using frozen spinach, defrost it and then add it to the tofu. Then pour liquid lemon juice mixture over it and toss. Let it sit for at least thirty minutes.<br />2) Oh, and you might as well preheat the oven to 375 at this point. To prepare sauce: Heat olive oil in a sauce pan over medium heat. Add garlic and cayenne pepper. Toast the spices for about twenty or thirty seconds--careful not to let them burn. Then add the tomato sauce--stirring the whole time. Careful not to let the sauce bubble up and splash you, especially if you're prone to wearing white sweaters like I am. Bring to a simmer. Let cook for about five minutes.<br />3) Bust out a casserole dish or a baking pan. Spoon about a cup worth of sauce onto the bottom of the dish and spread around. Then assemble the enchiladas. Spoon a good amount of the tofu spinach mixture into a tortilla, fold, and roll. Place in dish on top of sauce. Repeat until you have no more tortillas or no more tofu mixture. Then pour the remaining sauce over the enchiladas. Bake at 375 for twenty to thirty minutes, until the top get browned and crispy.<br />Serve with Cilantro Sour Cream for an extra yummy tofu treat!<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>Sesame-Ginger Tofu Rice Bowl<br /></span></span></span><br />I made this for Ian MacKaye, Amy Farina, and Doug Gillard when they played Parish Hall. They were so excited because they were served food that wasn't just vegan chili. Apparently, fresh vegetables are hard to come across when you're on tour. When they were were playing on stage, they actually stopped to give me a shout out for this dish.<br /><br />Marinade and sauce:<br /><br />3 tbls sesame oil<br />3 tbls lime juice or vinegar of choice<br />2 tbls agave nectar or sugar of choice<br />3 tbls soy sauce or bragg's liquid amino acids<br />2 tsp fresh minced garlic (or equivalent powder)<br />2 tsp fresh minced ginger (or equivalent powder)<br />dash of cayenne<br />sesame seeds<br />fresh chopped cilantro<br /><br />1 160z package of firm tofu, cut into 1inch cubes<br /><br />3 large stalks bok choi<br />1 large carrot, sliced<br />1/2 red bell pepper, chopped<br />1 cup fresh pea pods<br />1 cup fresh broccoli or frozen<br /><br />1 cup brown rice<br />2 1/4 cups water<br /><br />1) To make sauce, homogenize everything (except sesame seeds and cilantro) in a food processor or whisk with a fork.<br />2) Pour half over the tofu and let marinade for at least twenty to thirty minutes.<br />3) Concurrently, cook rice. If you don't already know how to do this, it involves putting rice in pot. Adding water. Bringing to a boil. Then letting simmer for about 45 minutes.<br />4) As for the veggies, I find it's best to steam the broccoli and carrots at the same time. Once they're getting close to being tender, add the red pepper and steam for just a couple more minutes. Turn off heat and add bok choi. (I like my bok choi to be crunchy, not tender. If you like your veggies cooked more, then steam appropriately.)<br />5) Meanwhile, heat a wok or frying pan over medium heat. You might want to add a couple drops of sesame oil to lubricate the pan before adding the marinated tofu. The point here is to sear the tofu. If you want it really crispy, add more oil. Or if you want to make this a little more low fat, you can take the oil out of the marinade and bake the tofu on parchment paper or a non-stick pan at 400 for about twenty, thirty minutes.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Conclusion:<br /><br /></span>So that's my post on five easy things to do with tofu. I don't think that tofu is that complicated to work with, it's just that there's a few simple tricks you need to learn before going into it. Recap: Don't over think it. Let it drain. Let it marinade. Cook it in an appropriate manner.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></span>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-91090672115260757212008-03-01T10:10:00.000-08:002008-03-01T18:31:18.090-08:00On Veganism: Part OneI came across this NY Times article the other day. It's a few weeks old, but I'm a few weeks out of it. It's called <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/13/dining/13incompatible.html?_r=1&scp=9&sq=vegan&st=nyt&oref=slogin">"I love you, but you love meat". </a> Basically, it's about the phenomenon of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">interdietary</span> relationships. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Yay</span>, diversity! I can now be all like, "I am in an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">interdietary</span> relationship."<br /><br />This has never been a big deal for me. I don't think I've ever dated a vegetarian, much less a vegan. Most people don't care what you eat or don't eat as long as it doesn't affect them. Besides, I'm a Libertarian. I don't care what anybody does as long as it doesn't affect me. I'm a laid back vegan, not some "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">vegangelical</span>"--another new term I learned from the article.<br /><br />Does this make me morally superior to preachy vegans? Probably not. I do lots of socially questionable stuff that I don't expect anybody to approve of. It'd be nice if they did, but I've got a thick skin. And it's not like I'm a real vegan anyway. I own suede boots and sometimes sport a leather purse. I've been known to drink wine that's filtered through pig skin because I'm too cheap and lazy to go out of my way to buy vegan wine. And I sometimes look at websites like <a href="http://www.vandykestaxidermy.com/">this</a>.<br /><br />The reason I identify myself as a vegan is because I don't eat animals or any of their by products. Except for the occasional totino's pizza. But sometimes I use them. Does this mean I'm not a vegan? Yes, I suppose. There goes my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">argument</span>.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-10587923401960077552008-02-24T18:31:00.001-08:002008-12-09T20:28:25.046-08:00Quinoa Inari Sushi!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iTIkVzi9SbazLIoISAL7SIZlPVNP5Tj7vCn54nL_-Sx9qn6sfDYgCiIlKSJ69bc_vwiUd_O6b5xJaX66TovYdoHaiwGzaVOcvR2m7w0sr8aoaTj8BlnvVLBn2tjz9CoY8hZIktnY3cY/s1600-h/quinoainari2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iTIkVzi9SbazLIoISAL7SIZlPVNP5Tj7vCn54nL_-Sx9qn6sfDYgCiIlKSJ69bc_vwiUd_O6b5xJaX66TovYdoHaiwGzaVOcvR2m7w0sr8aoaTj8BlnvVLBn2tjz9CoY8hZIktnY3cY/s200/quinoainari2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5170740787384041314" border="0" /></a>I first met Inari when I was about twenty-twoish. Sushi was one of those things that I never tried to eat since I was under the impression that it was all seafood based. But then I worked at a coffee shop with a vegan guy who was all about this take out place in Public Square called Sushi 86. (They don't seem to have a website. If they did, I'd link it.)<br /><br />Anyway, I fell in love with Inari at first sight. It was this beautiful yummy, greasy, sweet tofu wrap around some sweet vinegary rice. After that I became a regular at Sushi 86.<br /><br />It was mystical. In the sense that I didn't understand how you could make tofu do that. I tried to slice it thin and marinate it and sautee it, but that meant nothing. There was no way to make inari at home.<br /><br />Then, one day, at Tink Holl in downtown Cleveland, I noticed cans of inari wraps. I thought it wasw strange that they were in a can. But whatever. I bought a can and found out how to use 'em.<br /><br />So now I think that Inari wraps are not only limited to sticky white rice. You can fill it up with all kinds of stuff!<br /><br />For instance, here's my recipe for Quinoa Inari Sushi:<br /><br />1 cup quinoua<br />2 cups water<br /><br />cook it all<br /><br />2 big carrots<br />1/2 cucumber<br />1 tbls braggs<br />pinch o'ginger powder<br />1 can of inarizushi<br /><br />Shred said carrots and cucumber. Mix into quinoa with braggs and ginger. Then stuff into pockets of inarisuzushi.<br /><br />Makes about 15.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-27885132573747647272008-02-21T17:37:00.000-08:002008-02-21T19:45:56.658-08:00Vegan Mushroom GravyHere's my on the fly recipe for yummy mushroom gravy:<br /><br />8 oz baby bella mushrooms<br />1 small onion<br />2 tbls olive oil or vegan margarine<br />1 cup vegetable broth<br />1/2 cup nutritional yeast<br />pinch of garlic<br />a little hand ground pepper<br /><br />Chop the onion, chop the mushrooms, throw it all in a pot with some butter over medium heat. Once everything gets all soft and saturated with fat, caramelize it with the vegetable broth. Bring to a boil. Then simmer and add the nutritional yeast.<br /><br />Stir! Stir like you're cooking risotto! (If you've never cooked risotto before, then just stir like your life depended on it.)<br /><br />Bring to a soft, slow simmer.<br /><br />Let it stew for a minute. What do you owe that gravy?<br /><br />After you're done sulking, turn the heat off. And now you have to wait for it to chill to a lukewarm temperature.<br /><br />Once it does, put it in a blender and blend. It will get all smooth and chunky all at the same time. You have done your job. It's done.<br /><br />Oh, and if you happen to get the hic-cups while doing this, make sure you eat a tablespoon of natural peanut butter. Chew, chew, half-swallow, chew, swallow, etc.<br /><br />Does the trick every time.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-70330803916980271832008-02-11T23:20:00.000-08:002008-02-21T20:05:31.037-08:00My Dinner!I had lentil soup for dinner!<br /><br />I made it myself because I'm poor!<br /><br />It had lentils, carrots, celery and onions in it!<br /><br />It was awesome!<br /><br />I should have taken a picture of it but I had to freeze it all because I'm poor!<br /><br />Incidentally, the impetus for the Industrial Revolution <a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=QUV98bwrqscC&pg=PA475&lpg=PA475&dq=sugar+and+industrial+revolution&source=web&ots=JdyDaOfVDu&sig=g0HHV-XgghBIi6dEcYrf5VKWVDk"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">was </span></a><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=QUV98bwrqscC&pg=PA475&lpg=PA475&dq=sugar+and+industrial+revolution&source=web&ots=JdyDaOfVDu&sig=g0HHV-XgghBIi6dEcYrf5VKWVDk">sugar.</a><br /></span>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-17348828759931581912008-02-11T18:46:00.000-08:002008-02-11T23:14:24.908-08:00I watch tv so you don't have toLo! I am Magellan of the internet! I have discovered how to watch network tv series for free with out the inconvenience of having to order them from Netflix!<br /><br /><strong>Promotional Placement!</strong><br /><br />However, watching tv online presents different inconveniences. Much like watching live tv, there are tons of redundant commercials for <a href="http://http//www.subaru.com/">things </a>I <a href="http://http//www.chasefreedomnow.com/home/?CELL=6C92">can't </a>afford <a href="http://http//www.redlobster.com/">anyway </a>. Usually, this doesn't bother me that much. I know I can't afford anything of <a href="http://http//comics.ha.com/common/view_item.php?Sale_No=819&Lot_No=2001&type=prte-pr121305d&ic=">value</a>. I have a commission based job--that's how I got my fucking <a href="http://http//www.dirtdevil.com/Products/productDetail.aspx?id=32827">vacuum cleaner</a> and <a href="http://http//www.hamiltonbeach.com/products/ice-cream-makers-15-quart-capacity-ice-cream-maker.php?page=1">ice cream maker</a>. It's a good thing I don't have money because I would totally <a href="http://http//www.scubavoyages.com/">blow </a>it <a href="http://http//www.speakdanish.dk/">on </a>stupid <a href="http://http//welovesoy.com/">stuff </a>anyway.<br /><br /><strong>Back to TeeVee:</strong><br /><br />The other problem I have with watching teevee online is that every time the video feed stalls out, I have to turn the laptop off and rub it on my sweater.<br /><br />While that usually gets it working again, some websites were created better than others. <a href="http://http//www.nbc.com/">NBC</a>, for instance, is probably the bestest. You can watch "30 Rock" and "Heroes" episodes without much interference. Although the commercials are annoying, the video feed never stalls out. And you have the option to make the screen full size. If one places their computer on an ottoman (automon?) near the bed while one watches teevee, one might never have to leave the bed for days. Not that one would ever waste their weekend doing that.<br /><br />The next bestest is <a href="http://http//abc.go.com/primetime/lost/index?pn=index">ABC</a>. While they also have a nice full screen option, their commercials are more intrusive and arbitrary. However, they're just fine. You should go watch every episode of "Lost" ever and then post your <a href="http://http//www.theoriesonlost.blogspot.com/">theories </a>about it.<br /><br /><a href="http://http//www.fox.com/fod/">FOX</a> does not have a nice full screen option, but their shows play with little interference. They also have fun shows like "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles", "Family Guy", and "The Simpsons" that you can watch by yourself. If you attempt to watch "Prison Break" or "House" you might need a roommate.<br /><br /><a href="http://http//www.cbs.com/#">CBS</a> is the worstest. Not only is their teevee site hard to navigate, but they don't even offer a full screen option. And once you start playing old episodes of "Jericho", it stalls out. This happened once every twenty-seven seconds. I was getting into some country groove montage and then it would stop! It took forever to reboot my laptop while I cleaned it off with my shirt!<br /><br />And it still wouldn't work!<br /><br />So CBS can wash my britches! I'll keep watching teevee on all the other sites. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll finally buy a <a href="http://http//www.worldofwatches.com/">watch</a>!calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-3103021195052059612008-02-09T19:14:00.000-08:002008-02-09T19:49:14.903-08:00World's First Best Vegan Hangover Cure!!!I have discovered the world's first best hangover cure! In the afternoon, wake up and drink two cups of Amazing Hangover Juice:<br /><br />2 carrots<br />1/4 beet<br />1 bunch parsley<br />2 celery stalks<br />1/2 cucumber<br />small knob of ginger<br />1/2 small sweet potato<br /><br />Juice it all up. Then drink.<br /><br />Then you must go run 2 miles. Bundle up if it's cold! Cover your ears! If it is hot, wear a tank top.<br /><br />When you get home, take a hot bath. Then bundle up in your robe and watch teevee for 43 minutes.<br /><br />Brush your teeth and then rinse with equal parts hydrogen peroxide and water.<br /><br />Put on your favorite outfit. If it's dirty, spray with organic vegan air freshener.<br /><br />Now you are ready to drink again! Start off slow. Drink a light vodka cocktail or a natural light beer. If you are following the raw food diet, you may have organic vegan white wine.<br /><br />Wait fifteen minutes and drink another. At this point, if you are not feeling buzzed, drink another.<br /><br />You may still feel like hell and claim that you are never drinking again but don't fall for it! You are totally going to drink again! Accept it and move on, pussy! You need to get over your hangover right now!calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-80247399544582836542008-02-09T17:03:00.000-08:002008-12-09T20:28:25.332-08:00The Master Cleanse Martini!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDI2UP-T0qkrUdwxYiT3pGzDCNY2uEXacrw05j0LWtuTPKbnKP2IBSL4zsJ__Dh6MKx3C6vgGgB8JHjYvUjCJZZJwtuYrXrQq9WconVxFhp6GtHxHoq4clj3ZZoSKksYAiLumIU1YVvew/s1600-h/mastercleansetini.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5165164682883252034" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDI2UP-T0qkrUdwxYiT3pGzDCNY2uEXacrw05j0LWtuTPKbnKP2IBSL4zsJ__Dh6MKx3C6vgGgB8JHjYvUjCJZZJwtuYrXrQq9WconVxFhp6GtHxHoq4clj3ZZoSKksYAiLumIU1YVvew/s200/mastercleansetini.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>After a whole day and a half of fasting on the Master Cleanse, I have decided to break my fast. However, the Master Cleanse guidebook warns that you oughtn't end your fast too abruptly. So I came up with the Master Cleanse Martini!<br /><br />It's pretty self explanatory, but I'll divulge the recipe anyway:<br /><br />2 tbls fresh organic lemon juice<br />2 tbls organic grade-b maple syrup<br />1 oz cheap ass vodka<br />2 oz spring water<br />1/10 tsp organic cayenne pepper<br />ice<br />chili pepper (for garnish--I don't have one)<br /><br />1) Pour lemon juice, maple syrup, vodka, cayenne, water and ice into a martini shaker. Shake!<br />2) Pour into glassware of choice<br />3) Garnish with chili pepper<br />4) Get drunk and healthy all at the same time!*<br /><br />Variations:<br /><br />"Master Cleanse-garita". Sub tequila for vodka. Sub lime juice for lemon juice. Garnish glasses with maple sugar or maple salt. Add a splash of triple-sec for good measure.<br /><br />"Master Cleanse Sour". Sub whiskey for vodka. Add a splash of cherry syrup and garnish with a cherry.<br /><br />"Long Island Iced Master Cleanse". Remove water, keep the vodka, and add: 1oz tequila, 1oz gin, 1oz triple sec, 1oz rum and a splash of angostura bitters. Garnish with lemon slice.<br /><br />*<span style="font-size:78%;">Warning, may not be healthy at all. Do not attempt to follow the Master Cleanse Martini diet without first consulting with a physician.</span></div>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-40686589919499258392008-02-09T07:48:00.000-08:002008-02-09T18:06:02.529-08:00A Review of the Master Cleanse: Day 2I started the <a href="http://https//therawfoodsite.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=28">Master Cleanse</a> yesterday. To all you uninitiated, that's where you drink cayenne pepper-maple syrup lemonade for ten days straight. It's what all the Hollywood <a href="http://http//webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/celebrity/becksmith.jsp?p=bsf_celebextremediets">types </a>do to lose weight after babies and before movies.<br /><br />Me? I've been hip to the MC since my slacker days of '01. I used to work at a GNC in a strip mall. There were tons of wacky diet and holistic medicine pamphlets in our dollar bin. The Master Cleanse pamphlet was by far the most entertaining, with "All About Bowels" and "The Wonders of Lechitin" vying for close seconds.<br /><br />The reason "The Master Cleanse" by Stanley Burroughs was so funny was because of how gung-ho and excited he was about fasting. It gave the impression that the guy didn't think much of food in the first place. Unfortunately, I don't have the pamphlet anymore, so I can't pull any direct quotes out of it. This is one of those times when you're telling a story about something so god damned funny that happened but everybody just looks at you with dull, glazed over eyes and you stop laughing and say, "Er...I guess you just had to be there."<br /><br />So, yeah, you just had to be there. And now, eight years gone, I'm actually attempting to do the Master Cleanse.<br /><br />Yesterday was hell. Which is funny, because I often go through entire days without eating--just because I'm busy or not thinking about it. However, when you can't eat for a reason, it becomes all that you can think about. Also, the lack of coffee and other such stimulants only added to my insane hunger pangs. When I got home from work, I took a hot bath, drank some more lemonade and fell asleep at 8pm. This morning, I woke up at 9am and drank a liter of salt water. It's now 11am and I feel, well, pretty crappy.<br /><br />I've been able to juice detox for one to three days with fairly good results in the past. But I'm not feeling this whole maple syrup lemonade thing. I understand that the first few days are the most difficult with any kind of detox, but I don't really understand why drinking maple syrup and lemon juice so much better for you than doing carrot or pineapple juice.<br /><br />Therefore, I give the master cleanse a thumbs down.<br /><br />But, then again, maybe it's just the morning's salt water flush talking.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-62364427230655179382008-02-05T22:09:00.000-08:002008-02-09T18:06:53.910-08:00Which Lost Character Are You?I was surprised by this one. I kept thinking they'd say I was Kate or something. But this is what I got:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.liquidgeneration.com/Media/Games/Quizzes_Puzzles/Personality_Quizzes/Which_Lost_Character_Are_You/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.liquidgeneration.com/content/extras/whichlostcharacterareyou_resultcard_h.jpg" border="0" /><br />Find out Which Lost Character Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!</a><br /><br />Then again, I am a big drunk, so I guess this makes the most sense.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-57676511086109828992008-02-05T20:13:00.000-08:002008-02-05T20:16:05.594-08:00ManifestoBasically, all I want is a blog where "Lost" fans, vegans, and "Legion of Superheroes" fans come to meet. I don't know if that will ever happen. But I will do my damnest to make them try.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-71687300210197800422008-02-05T20:06:00.000-08:002008-02-09T18:07:16.305-08:00My Dinner 02/05/08I am Calorie Queen! Let me tell you what I had for dinner tonight!<br /><br />It was a crazy burrito.<br /><br />I sauteed some onions, green peppers, pineapple, and green beans.<br /><br />Then I folded it up into a burrito with some brown rice and black beans.<br /><br />I sauteed it on low heat with a little olive oil.<br /><br />I would have taken a picture of it, but it all got eaten up.<br /><br />It was delicious!!!calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-84303436212820408892008-02-05T19:13:00.001-08:002008-02-09T18:07:56.759-08:00"LOST"Oh, I almost forgot!<br /><br />The best "Lost" analysis I've ever read came via Reason Magazine:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.reason.com/news/show/124807.html">http://www.reason.com/news/show/124807.html</a><br /><br />Read it.calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863411442454912638.post-17587307726766547832007-12-07T18:52:00.000-08:002007-12-07T23:59:38.703-08:00Vegan Reuben SandwichBefore I went full time vegan, I used to get a tasty vegetarian reuben at a bar in my old haunts called<a href="http://www.happydog58.com/"> The Happy Dog</a>. Because I didn't like meat or vegetables when I was a kid, the only sandwiches I ever ate were peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese. So the bizzare combination of stuff on the reuben never even occurred to me as a viable food option until I saw it on the vegetarian menu of the Happy Dog one night I was half in the ol' bag. But, hells bells! Drinking sure can lead to a many new discoveries.<br /><br />Anyway, I've since become vegan and I still hanker for that sandwich every once in a drunk stupor. I just can't order it off their menu anymore. So I had to veganize it.<br /><br />Traditionally, a reuben sandwich is made with corned beef, swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and russian dressing on grilled rye bread.<br /><br />Really, the key here is the russian dressing. All the other stuff is easily veganized. I guess I might as well have just called this "russian dressing recipe". But, like I said, I never had a reuben before I went vegetarian/vegan, so maybe you haven't either. And if you have, well, maybe this won't taste anything like an actual reuben!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Rueben Sandwich </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Russian Dressing:<br />1 package silken tofu<br />1 tbl apple cider vinegar or lemon juice<br />1 tbl liquid lechitin or olive oil or nut butter<br />1 tbl ketchup<br />1 tbl sun dried tomato<br />1 tsp fresh garlic or garlic powder<br />1 tsp salt or soy sauce or namu shoyu or miso or braggs (I use braggs--and more to taste)<br />1 tsp paprika<br />optional:<br />dash of liquid smoke<br />dash of powdered mustard<br />chopped parsley<br />chopped pickles or cucumbers<br /><br />Sandwich:<br /><br />Two slices rye bread<br />4 0z seitan, lightly cooked with seasonings of choice (I like liquid smoke)<br />1/4 cup sauerkraut<br />1 slice vegan swiss or mozzarella cheese<br />2 tbl above mentioned russian dressing<br />vegan fat: liquid lechitin, olive or nut or seed oil, vegan butter product<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span>1) Warm up a skillet or pan on your stovetop on medium low heat.<br />2) Slather bread with vegan fat<br />3) Throw bread onto skillet. Lightly grill each side.<br />4) Take bread and assemble: seitan, sauerkraut, vegan cheese, and russian dressing.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>calorie queenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15454320968352564029noreply@blogger.com0