Review of Melt

I finally found a vegan sandwich at Melt that I could tolerate. The first time I had one, I got the vegan mozzarella with fried tofu and bbq sauce. The cheese was slimy and the tofu was bland--the only thing that made it palatable was the bbq sauce. So I was a little skeptical about trying the vegan cheese again. However, I wasn't in the mood for salad or three bean chili sans dairy. So I decided to try the vegan american this time and pair it with sliced jalapeño peppers. It ended up being an awesome combination of cheese and heat. It was definitely one of those "I can't believe it's vegan" experiences. I will certainly be going back for this in the near future.

As far as cocktails go, I had heard a lot of hype about Melt' s "Las Vegas Lavender Mojito", so I decided to try it. Although it was pretty tasty, it didn't need nearly as much lavender leaves as the bartender dropped in the glass. By the time I was half-way through drinking it, it became a sludgy mess of lavender and rum. It would be much better if they used lavender water as a flavoring agent rather than the actual leaves. My next cocktail was a house specialty. The name of it is escaping me now, but it had something to do with Russia and it was comprised of vodka, ginger and lime juice. Now that was a damn fine cocktail. It was actually my boyfriend who pointed it out on the menu to me and said, "Wow, it sounds like they made this drink just for you." Indeed they did.

In sum, it was a good dining experience. The vegan cheese is awesome because it was filling but I don't feel completely sluggish or overstuffed--unlike my poor boyfriend who's currently passed out in a food coma after devouring his gouda sandwich and two micro brews.

I don't envy him.

More Legion of Superheroes Minutiae!

I spent a great deal of my last few posts talking about Legion of Superheroes minutiae. And I've decided that I'm just going to continue that.

In the 1980's, DC decided to end all their current superhero titles and have them start over from scratch. They wanted to streamline the characters so they weren't as complex or confusing to readers. This was all fine and good for the most part, except when it came to the Legion of Superheroes-- because for whatever reason, they decided not to reboot that title. Maybe they figured that since it took place in the 30th century it was far enough removed from the rest of DC continuity to really make much of a difference. I don't know the full story on that one. However, I do know that this created major problems in reconciling Legion continuity with that of the newly rebooted DC universe.

Namely, the Superboy problem.

Originally, the Legion of Superheroes only existed because the legend of Superman inspired them to don costumes and use their superpowers for good a thousand years later. All fine and good, really. You don't see too many teenagers these days acting out the great deeds of King Arthur or Amir Hamza. However, the time traveling youngsters couldn't leave well enough alone. Rather than simply being inspired by Superman, they had to travel back to the past when he was a boy and play practical jokes on him.

But he was a good sport and eventually became a member of the superhero club of the future.
the way the way Superboy's existence in the Legion was explained was that the Time Trapper intentionally misdirected all of the Legion's trips to the past into a "Pocket Earth" that he created. So, essentially, every time the Legion thought they were traveling into the past, they were really just going to an alternate dimension.

Ultimately, this reconfiguration resulted in the exile of the Legion of Superheroes from mainstream DC continuity. The regular stories continued a couple of years after the Crisis, albeit with a new version of the Pocket Earth Superboy that was swiftly killed to avoid further confusion.

When the new Legion appeared in 1989, it took place 5 years after the last Legion storyline, "The Magic Wars". The 30th century was a completely different place as a result of the Magic Wars. It was similar to the Dark Ages, after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. Technology and progress were stagnant, the evil Dominator aliens were able to use the period of instability in order to take control of Earth, and the Legion of Superheroes had disbanded. Essentially, the 30th century was now a dystopia where the virtue and heroism of the Legion had no place.

This reversal of fortune led to a new kind of storytelling for the Legion. The five years between the Magic Wars and the opening of the new title were never clearly defined. It was a mysterious period that was alluded to every once in awhile, often through supplementary meta-narratives, in the form of news articles about the Legionnaires and other characters (similar to the extras in the Watchmen). Like this one, about the planet Daxam (which they were trying to establish as a Krypton analog to replace the presence of Superman and Supergirl):

However, the majority of the five year gap was never completely explained. This added an extra level of tension and suspense to the stories--especially because it took awhile for certain characters to reemerge in the new timeline--and to see how the ones who did appear had changed.

The core characters at this point were Cosmic Boy (Rokk Krinn), Chameleon Boy (Reep Daggle), Shrinking Violet (Salu Digby), Lighning Lass (Ayla Ranzz), Brainiac 5 (Querl Dox), Ultra Boy (Jo Nah), Brin Londo (Timber Wolf) and Laurel Gand (this version's Supergirl replacement). There were a few other new characters like Celeste MacCauley (a private investigator from Earth) and Kono (a yellow skinned, blue haired space pirate). Other Legionnaires made cameo appearances or occasionally had an issue devoted to them, but for the most part the main storyline primarily focused on the above mentioned characters. Shrinking Violet, who was now a scarfaced, one legged lesbian in a relationship with Lightning Lass. (One of my favorite Legion couples of all time, incidentally.)



Originally, Lar Gand was Mon-El, one of Superboy's distant relatives from the planet Krypton who was trapped in the Phantom Zone for a thousand years. (Incidentally, most incarnations of this character tend to stay true to the thousand year trial in the Phantom Zone. It's part of his mythos, which I think is totally cool.)

Anyway, in the Five Year Later Legion, Lar Gand became the Superboy figure in the Legion's past, because in order for them to shoo away the impact that Superboy had on the foundation of
the Legion, they had to talk up Lar Gand's accomplishments.

Essentially, the transmogrified him into the backbone of the Legion. Reading, through this stuff now, I don't really understand what DC was thinking at the time. I mean, I read this stuff because I love it--but if they launched a comic now with this kind of narrative format, I'd be totally pissed off.

Then again, most of the Five Year Later Legion was supposed to be mysterious and terrifying.

Tenzil for the defence!

This is one of my favorite comic book issues ever. Despite the fact that I've read it about 78 times, it still makes me crack up whenever I flip through it. This is definitely the comic I would bring to a deserted island, along with a suitcase filled with knives and a backgammon set.

This was issue 11 of the TMK or "5 Years Later" Legion. Basically, the storyline jumped ahead five years into the future after the Legion had disbanded and all the former heroes were miserable grifters, broken losers and tortured has-beens. Like many superhero books of its day, the new Legion was supposed to be darker and grittier than its earlier incarnations. It was a modern (meaning late 80's/early 90's) interpretation of superheroes as tragic figures rather than happy go lucky demi-gods that got into wacky adventures and spent the majority of their free time playing pranks on their friends.

However, I didn't even start reading comic books until that period, so this version of the Legion is the one that created my foundation of what the 30th century was supposed to be--despite the fact that it was really just one long imaginary tale in the grand scheme of DC history.

While this particular issue tied into the events going on in the regular comic, it was more of a stand alone story--a brief respite from all the serious and gloomy melodrama happening. Basically, Matter Eater Lad has become an attorney/senator/archaeologist that stars in his own reality show. He is summoned to the Dominator controlled Earth to defend Polar Boy, who has been arrested for causing political dissonance at a pizza place. Pretty straight forward, right?


Although Matter Eater Lad is possibly the most awesome superhero invention of all time, I think a lot people regard his existence as the greatest example of stupidity in the Silver Age. This issue acknowledged that in a lighthearted way. In fact, that's one of the reasons that this version of the Legion was so interesting--because it wasn't a complete reboot or overhaul. While the writers were forced to make necessary changes to the Legion's history, such as erasing Superboy and Supergirl from existence and replacing them with the Daxamites, they never tried to deny the fact that the Legion's history was inherently silly and campy.


But enough about why I think this Legion run was one of the amazing comics of its time. This issue is my favorite for the simple fact that it still makes me laugh--even upon its 79th reading.

I love the dated Dan Quale joke. I mean, I barely get it. I vaguely remember people thinking that the Vice President of that time was a total moron, but I can't remember why. I think it had something to do with him mispronouncing words.

Anyway...amazingly enough, the ratings on "Wild Archaeology" are pretty low, so Tenzil is reassigned to star in a courtroom show. He discovers that Polar Boy, former founder of The Legion of Substitute Heroes, has been imprisoned by Earthgov and decides to take the case, much to Polar Boy's chagrin...

I always really liked the dynamic between these two in this issue. Also, it's sort of a funny pairing because, in retrospect, Polar Boy must have really hated Matter Eater Lad. I mean, Polar Boy got rejected from the Legion of Superhero tryouts because his ability to control a powerful force of nature was regarded as being a worthless super power while Matter Eater Lad, a guy who could just eat stuff, was admitted for membership.

Anyway, Tenzil displays some pretty impressive legal skills in the courtroom.

And then there's this defense, which I am completely prepared to use if I'm ever arrested for inciting a riot at a pizza place...
Incidentally, this is just as good a time as any to point out that I always really dug the whole futuristic Enlightenment Era style of dress going on in this version of the Legion.

Oh, and if you were wondering about that whole "Green Lanterns not being allowed on Earths on Mondays" thing, for some reason that I was never quite clear on, Green Lanterns were banned from Earth in the 30th century. As Matter Eater Lad is sure to make note of in his defense:
The culmination of Tenzil's amazing legal superpowers is coming up next.

Anyway, the comic concludes shortly after this. In true deus ex machina fashion, Matter Eater Lad is able to get Polar Boy off on account of his not having access to a fair and speedy trial. And the prosecutor, who you get the impression has the hots for Tenzil, concedes.

After this, Matter Eater Lad didn't get a whole lot of attention in the new Legion. Then again, he was really only a peripheral character to begin with. I think there was another issue devoted to him later on in this run, where he marries the reformed ex-Legion of Super Villain Saturn Queen. I'll have to break that out one of these days.

But for now, I'll leave you with this.

My First Introduction to the Legion of Superheroes: "Pawns of Time"

I really don't know what attracted me to this when I was seven or eight. I found this at some weird bookstore or hobby shop I went to with my dad. Actually, I can't really remember it that well. We may have been at a thrift store for all I know. But I do remember that I really, really wanted it for some reason.

But now that I ruminate on the cover over a nice, cold Dinklel Acker, I think it was Supergirl that made me want it so much. After all, I thought Supergirl was amazing. She always reminded me of my older cousin Christine, who I absolutely idolized at that point in my life.

However, after making my dad buy it for me, I found out that it wasn't a story at all. Rather, it was this:
This was NOT what I thought it was going to be. I was so pissed on the car ride home that this was what I got for going shopping with my dad. In retrospect, I guess I should have at least flipped through it before assuming it was a Supergirl comic book.

Nonetheless, I still read it:


I didn't understand anything about role playing games or DC comic books at this point. All I wanted was a picture book about Supergirl. I thought it'd be like a super-powered Sweet Valley High story. However, it was only some shitty rule book for a game I didn't understand with black and white drawings. So this is what I did with it:


Man! I was a pretty lazy kid!

Anyway, I am not a fan of "Pawns of Time". Even though it has stuff like this in it:

(Which you'll notice I did not try to color...)

Ultimately, I never cared for this book because it was confusing and boring. But it piqued my curiosity in the Legion of Superheroes enough to try to figure out who they were and what they did--and why they would be fighting their dead team members in some asinine game?

And why, I wondered, would you ever name a superhero "Gas Girl?"


It was absolutely befuddling to me. I didn't get it. It probably didn't help that this was book one in a four part series and I didn't have any friends who would ever even attempt to play this with me.

Incidentally, I still don't.