Tenzil for the defence!

This is one of my favorite comic book issues ever. Despite the fact that I've read it about 78 times, it still makes me crack up whenever I flip through it. This is definitely the comic I would bring to a deserted island, along with a suitcase filled with knives and a backgammon set.

This was issue 11 of the TMK or "5 Years Later" Legion. Basically, the storyline jumped ahead five years into the future after the Legion had disbanded and all the former heroes were miserable grifters, broken losers and tortured has-beens. Like many superhero books of its day, the new Legion was supposed to be darker and grittier than its earlier incarnations. It was a modern (meaning late 80's/early 90's) interpretation of superheroes as tragic figures rather than happy go lucky demi-gods that got into wacky adventures and spent the majority of their free time playing pranks on their friends.

However, I didn't even start reading comic books until that period, so this version of the Legion is the one that created my foundation of what the 30th century was supposed to be--despite the fact that it was really just one long imaginary tale in the grand scheme of DC history.

While this particular issue tied into the events going on in the regular comic, it was more of a stand alone story--a brief respite from all the serious and gloomy melodrama happening. Basically, Matter Eater Lad has become an attorney/senator/archaeologist that stars in his own reality show. He is summoned to the Dominator controlled Earth to defend Polar Boy, who has been arrested for causing political dissonance at a pizza place. Pretty straight forward, right?


Although Matter Eater Lad is possibly the most awesome superhero invention of all time, I think a lot people regard his existence as the greatest example of stupidity in the Silver Age. This issue acknowledged that in a lighthearted way. In fact, that's one of the reasons that this version of the Legion was so interesting--because it wasn't a complete reboot or overhaul. While the writers were forced to make necessary changes to the Legion's history, such as erasing Superboy and Supergirl from existence and replacing them with the Daxamites, they never tried to deny the fact that the Legion's history was inherently silly and campy.


But enough about why I think this Legion run was one of the amazing comics of its time. This issue is my favorite for the simple fact that it still makes me laugh--even upon its 79th reading.

I love the dated Dan Quale joke. I mean, I barely get it. I vaguely remember people thinking that the Vice President of that time was a total moron, but I can't remember why. I think it had something to do with him mispronouncing words.

Anyway...amazingly enough, the ratings on "Wild Archaeology" are pretty low, so Tenzil is reassigned to star in a courtroom show. He discovers that Polar Boy, former founder of The Legion of Substitute Heroes, has been imprisoned by Earthgov and decides to take the case, much to Polar Boy's chagrin...

I always really liked the dynamic between these two in this issue. Also, it's sort of a funny pairing because, in retrospect, Polar Boy must have really hated Matter Eater Lad. I mean, Polar Boy got rejected from the Legion of Superhero tryouts because his ability to control a powerful force of nature was regarded as being a worthless super power while Matter Eater Lad, a guy who could just eat stuff, was admitted for membership.

Anyway, Tenzil displays some pretty impressive legal skills in the courtroom.

And then there's this defense, which I am completely prepared to use if I'm ever arrested for inciting a riot at a pizza place...
Incidentally, this is just as good a time as any to point out that I always really dug the whole futuristic Enlightenment Era style of dress going on in this version of the Legion.

Oh, and if you were wondering about that whole "Green Lanterns not being allowed on Earths on Mondays" thing, for some reason that I was never quite clear on, Green Lanterns were banned from Earth in the 30th century. As Matter Eater Lad is sure to make note of in his defense:
The culmination of Tenzil's amazing legal superpowers is coming up next.

Anyway, the comic concludes shortly after this. In true deus ex machina fashion, Matter Eater Lad is able to get Polar Boy off on account of his not having access to a fair and speedy trial. And the prosecutor, who you get the impression has the hots for Tenzil, concedes.

After this, Matter Eater Lad didn't get a whole lot of attention in the new Legion. Then again, he was really only a peripheral character to begin with. I think there was another issue devoted to him later on in this run, where he marries the reformed ex-Legion of Super Villain Saturn Queen. I'll have to break that out one of these days.

But for now, I'll leave you with this.

My First Introduction to the Legion of Superheroes: "Pawns of Time"

I really don't know what attracted me to this when I was seven or eight. I found this at some weird bookstore or hobby shop I went to with my dad. Actually, I can't really remember it that well. We may have been at a thrift store for all I know. But I do remember that I really, really wanted it for some reason.

But now that I ruminate on the cover over a nice, cold Dinklel Acker, I think it was Supergirl that made me want it so much. After all, I thought Supergirl was amazing. She always reminded me of my older cousin Christine, who I absolutely idolized at that point in my life.

However, after making my dad buy it for me, I found out that it wasn't a story at all. Rather, it was this:
This was NOT what I thought it was going to be. I was so pissed on the car ride home that this was what I got for going shopping with my dad. In retrospect, I guess I should have at least flipped through it before assuming it was a Supergirl comic book.

Nonetheless, I still read it:


I didn't understand anything about role playing games or DC comic books at this point. All I wanted was a picture book about Supergirl. I thought it'd be like a super-powered Sweet Valley High story. However, it was only some shitty rule book for a game I didn't understand with black and white drawings. So this is what I did with it:


Man! I was a pretty lazy kid!

Anyway, I am not a fan of "Pawns of Time". Even though it has stuff like this in it:

(Which you'll notice I did not try to color...)

Ultimately, I never cared for this book because it was confusing and boring. But it piqued my curiosity in the Legion of Superheroes enough to try to figure out who they were and what they did--and why they would be fighting their dead team members in some asinine game?

And why, I wondered, would you ever name a superhero "Gas Girl?"


It was absolutely befuddling to me. I didn't get it. It probably didn't help that this was book one in a four part series and I didn't have any friends who would ever even attempt to play this with me.

Incidentally, I still don't.

Five or More Easy Things to do with Tofu

This post was inspired by my friend Ralph who said I ought to write about five easy things to do with tofu. But after I got to writing about the subject, I realized that I had more than five things to say about it. So the title of this would probably be better as, "Lots of Easy Things to do with Tofu!"

Before I became vegetarian, I don't think I had ever tried tofu. I didn't really understand much about it and my first experience cooking it resulted in a goopy, unappetizing mess. Primarily, this was because I didn't understand how to work with it. But after years of trial and error I think I've got a better handle on it.

The kind of tofu that you choose will make a difference. There are plenty of variations--smoked, pressed, sheets--but this entry will mainly focus on silken and firm tofu. Silken tofu is best for fillings, dips, sauces and desserts. If you try to marinate and fry it, it will usually fall apart--resulting in a goopy, unappetizing mess. Firm tofu is best for stir-frys, scrambles, and grilling.

Silken Tofu:

This kind of tofu is usually sold in vacuum packed boxes. Sometimes you can find it packed in water. The best way to work with it is to use it as a substitute for soft dairy products--like sour cream, cream cheese, or mayonnaise (which, I'm not sure if that's technically considered a dairy product. I think the real stuff is made out of eggs? I don't know. I never really cared for it much anyway.)

So here's two of my favorite recipes that use silken tofu:

Cilantro Sour Cream

This is an old stand-by. I make this every time I make chili or enchiladas. It's easy and quick. And since I usually like things on the spicy side, this is a good cooling condiment.

1 12oz package silken tofu
1/2 cup packed fresh cilantro
1 tbls olive oil
1 tsp fresh minced garlic
1 tbls fresh lime juice
pinch of salt or splash of soy sauce

1) blend tofu in a food processor until it has the consistency of sour cream
2) Add other ingredients to food processor. Blend until everything is homogenized.
For best results, let it chill for at least half an hour before serving.

Spinach Artichoke Dip:

I brought this to my friend John G's art opening last Christmas. People seemed to like it. It got eaten. But nobody asked me if it was vegan. So maybe that's a good sign in the grand scheme of tricking people into eating vegan food. It was a fun opening.

1 12oz package silken tofu
1 can artichoke hearts
12 0z fresh or frozen spinach
1/2 cup nutritional yeast
1 tbls olive oil
1 tbls lemon juice or apple cider vinegar
2 tsp salt or 1tbls soy sauce or equivalent, to taste
garlic, paprika, cayenne and dry mustard to taste
fresh cracked pepper

1. In a food processor, blend tofu, nutritional yeast, and lemon juice until everything is homogenized. If mixture is too thick, add a little water or soy milk to thin it out.
2. Heat a sauce pan over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and lightly sautee garlic. Then add the artichokes, spinach, tofu mixture and spices. Gently bring to a boil--stirring constantly. Lower heat.
3. Let simmer for twenty minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent it from sticking. If you want to thicken it, add more nutritional yeast. If you want it greasier, add more olive oil.
Serve warm with tortilla chips, bread, or fresh veggies.

Firm Tofu:

Firm tofu usually comes packed in water in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. This kind of tofu has a more solid consistency than the silken stuff and holds its shape when cooking. If you want the tofu to be firmer, it's a good idea to drain the water and then freeze it before using. When you defrost it, the tofu will release more water, resulting in a thicker and chewier product that will absorb sauces and marinades better.

Another way to remove excess water is to weigh it down. One method of doing this is to slice the tofu into thick pieces and lay it on a paper towel covered plate. Then place another plate on top of the tofu and use a big book as a weight, like a dictionary or a collected works of Shakespeare.

Typically, firm tofu is best used as a protein source in dishes that would otherwise call for meat or dairy. This is where seasoning and marinades become important. Left to its own devices, tofu tends to be pretty bland. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. A good way to think about tofu is that it's a blank canvas. I mean, honestly, I don't know much about cooking meat since I've been a vegetarian from about the time I was allowed to use a stove by myself. However, I watch enough reality food shows to know that seasoning meat is an important step in the cooking process. So don't skip this step with tofu. One of the most common complaints I hear from vegetarians and carnivores alike is that they don't like making tofu is because it always ends up tasteless and mushy. The easiest way to get around this is by removing excess water (as discussed above) and proper seasoning.

Obviously, you need to match the marinade with the dish. Tofu will absorb anything you feed it. The next step in preparing tasty tofu is to cook it properly. If you want to create crispy tofu, then the best methods are frying, searing, baking and grilling. However, crispy tofu is not the only tasty mode of preparation. Sometimes long marinading or slow simmering will create a texture that is not firm, but equally flavorful. The following are a few of my favorite firm tofu recipes that each involve a different method of preparation.

Tofu Feta

This is something my carnivore dad always gets excited about. He has this funny thing where he turns his nose towards tofu--or anything vegetarian, for that matter. However, whenever I'm making this at their house, he always plunges his fingers into the bowl to grab a taste and asks suspiciously, "This isn't your weird to-fu stuff, is it?"

"No, no, of course not, dad."

"Oh, good, good..."

"Um, dad, I'm making this for dinner...stop eating it all..."

Recipe:

1 16oz block extra firm tofu
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tbls olive oil
1 handful fresh parsley
1 tbls fresh minced garlic
1 tsp coarse sea salt (or more to taste)
fresh cracked pepper

1) Blend lemon juice, olive oil, parsley, garlic, and salt.
2) Mash tofu in a bowl with a fork. Do not pulverize it. It should be chunky.
3) Pour lemon mixture over the tofu and stir. Garnish with fresh cracked pepper.
For best results, chill for at least an hour. Then serve over salad, with pita, or use as a filling for spinach pies.

Spicy Tofu Spinach Enchiladas

I made this for the Red Krayola when they played Parish Hall. They loved it. I tried to get Mayo Thompson to write me a grad school letter based upon my enchiladas. He agreed.

Filling:
1 16oz package firm tofu
8 oz fresh or frozen spinach
1 tbls olive oil
1 tbls fresh lime juice
1 tbls fresh minced garlic
1 tsp salt, more to taste
fresh cracked pepper, to taste

Sauce:
16oz tomato sauce
1 tbls olive oil
1 tsp fresh minced garlic
1 tbls cayenne pepper (yes, 1tbls, or less to taste)

6 flour or corn tortillas (more or less depending on how much you fill 'em)

1) To make filling, whisk olive oil, lemon juice and spices. In another bowl, mash tofu, but don't pulverize it. If using fresh spinach, chop it finely and lightly steam or microwave it. If using frozen spinach, defrost it and then add it to the tofu. Then pour liquid lemon juice mixture over it and toss. Let it sit for at least thirty minutes.
2) Oh, and you might as well preheat the oven to 375 at this point. To prepare sauce: Heat olive oil in a sauce pan over medium heat. Add garlic and cayenne pepper. Toast the spices for about twenty or thirty seconds--careful not to let them burn. Then add the tomato sauce--stirring the whole time. Careful not to let the sauce bubble up and splash you, especially if you're prone to wearing white sweaters like I am. Bring to a simmer. Let cook for about five minutes.
3) Bust out a casserole dish or a baking pan. Spoon about a cup worth of sauce onto the bottom of the dish and spread around. Then assemble the enchiladas. Spoon a good amount of the tofu spinach mixture into a tortilla, fold, and roll. Place in dish on top of sauce. Repeat until you have no more tortillas or no more tofu mixture. Then pour the remaining sauce over the enchiladas. Bake at 375 for twenty to thirty minutes, until the top get browned and crispy.
Serve with Cilantro Sour Cream for an extra yummy tofu treat!


Sesame-Ginger Tofu Rice Bowl

I made this for Ian MacKaye, Amy Farina, and Doug Gillard when they played Parish Hall. They were so excited because they were served food that wasn't just vegan chili. Apparently, fresh vegetables are hard to come across when you're on tour. When they were were playing on stage, they actually stopped to give me a shout out for this dish.

Marinade and sauce:

3 tbls sesame oil
3 tbls lime juice or vinegar of choice
2 tbls agave nectar or sugar of choice
3 tbls soy sauce or bragg's liquid amino acids
2 tsp fresh minced garlic (or equivalent powder)
2 tsp fresh minced ginger (or equivalent powder)
dash of cayenne
sesame seeds
fresh chopped cilantro

1 160z package of firm tofu, cut into 1inch cubes

3 large stalks bok choi
1 large carrot, sliced
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
1 cup fresh pea pods
1 cup fresh broccoli or frozen

1 cup brown rice
2 1/4 cups water

1) To make sauce, homogenize everything (except sesame seeds and cilantro) in a food processor or whisk with a fork.
2) Pour half over the tofu and let marinade for at least twenty to thirty minutes.
3) Concurrently, cook rice. If you don't already know how to do this, it involves putting rice in pot. Adding water. Bringing to a boil. Then letting simmer for about 45 minutes.
4) As for the veggies, I find it's best to steam the broccoli and carrots at the same time. Once they're getting close to being tender, add the red pepper and steam for just a couple more minutes. Turn off heat and add bok choi. (I like my bok choi to be crunchy, not tender. If you like your veggies cooked more, then steam appropriately.)
5) Meanwhile, heat a wok or frying pan over medium heat. You might want to add a couple drops of sesame oil to lubricate the pan before adding the marinated tofu. The point here is to sear the tofu. If you want it really crispy, add more oil. Or if you want to make this a little more low fat, you can take the oil out of the marinade and bake the tofu on parchment paper or a non-stick pan at 400 for about twenty, thirty minutes.

Conclusion:

So that's my post on five easy things to do with tofu. I don't think that tofu is that complicated to work with, it's just that there's a few simple tricks you need to learn before going into it. Recap: Don't over think it. Let it drain. Let it marinade. Cook it in an appropriate manner.

On Veganism: Part One

I came across this NY Times article the other day. It's a few weeks old, but I'm a few weeks out of it. It's called "I love you, but you love meat". Basically, it's about the phenomenon of interdietary relationships. Yay, diversity! I can now be all like, "I am in an interdietary relationship."

This has never been a big deal for me. I don't think I've ever dated a vegetarian, much less a vegan. Most people don't care what you eat or don't eat as long as it doesn't affect them. Besides, I'm a Libertarian. I don't care what anybody does as long as it doesn't affect me. I'm a laid back vegan, not some "vegangelical"--another new term I learned from the article.

Does this make me morally superior to preachy vegans? Probably not. I do lots of socially questionable stuff that I don't expect anybody to approve of. It'd be nice if they did, but I've got a thick skin. And it's not like I'm a real vegan anyway. I own suede boots and sometimes sport a leather purse. I've been known to drink wine that's filtered through pig skin because I'm too cheap and lazy to go out of my way to buy vegan wine. And I sometimes look at websites like this.

The reason I identify myself as a vegan is because I don't eat animals or any of their by products. Except for the occasional totino's pizza. But sometimes I use them. Does this mean I'm not a vegan? Yes, I suppose. There goes my argument.

Quinoa Inari Sushi!

I first met Inari when I was about twenty-twoish. Sushi was one of those things that I never tried to eat since I was under the impression that it was all seafood based. But then I worked at a coffee shop with a vegan guy who was all about this take out place in Public Square called Sushi 86. (They don't seem to have a website. If they did, I'd link it.)

Anyway, I fell in love with Inari at first sight. It was this beautiful yummy, greasy, sweet tofu wrap around some sweet vinegary rice. After that I became a regular at Sushi 86.

It was mystical. In the sense that I didn't understand how you could make tofu do that. I tried to slice it thin and marinate it and sautee it, but that meant nothing. There was no way to make inari at home.

Then, one day, at Tink Holl in downtown Cleveland, I noticed cans of inari wraps. I thought it wasw strange that they were in a can. But whatever. I bought a can and found out how to use 'em.

So now I think that Inari wraps are not only limited to sticky white rice. You can fill it up with all kinds of stuff!

For instance, here's my recipe for Quinoa Inari Sushi:

1 cup quinoua
2 cups water

cook it all

2 big carrots
1/2 cucumber
1 tbls braggs
pinch o'ginger powder
1 can of inarizushi

Shred said carrots and cucumber. Mix into quinoa with braggs and ginger. Then stuff into pockets of inarisuzushi.

Makes about 15.

Vegan Mushroom Gravy

Here's my on the fly recipe for yummy mushroom gravy:

8 oz baby bella mushrooms
1 small onion
2 tbls olive oil or vegan margarine
1 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup nutritional yeast
pinch of garlic
a little hand ground pepper

Chop the onion, chop the mushrooms, throw it all in a pot with some butter over medium heat. Once everything gets all soft and saturated with fat, caramelize it with the vegetable broth. Bring to a boil. Then simmer and add the nutritional yeast.

Stir! Stir like you're cooking risotto! (If you've never cooked risotto before, then just stir like your life depended on it.)

Bring to a soft, slow simmer.

Let it stew for a minute. What do you owe that gravy?

After you're done sulking, turn the heat off. And now you have to wait for it to chill to a lukewarm temperature.

Once it does, put it in a blender and blend. It will get all smooth and chunky all at the same time. You have done your job. It's done.

Oh, and if you happen to get the hic-cups while doing this, make sure you eat a tablespoon of natural peanut butter. Chew, chew, half-swallow, chew, swallow, etc.

Does the trick every time.

My Dinner!

I had lentil soup for dinner!

I made it myself because I'm poor!

It had lentils, carrots, celery and onions in it!

It was awesome!

I should have taken a picture of it but I had to freeze it all because I'm poor!

Incidentally, the impetus for the Industrial Revolution was sugar.